Unspoken Conversations are the topics that are often swept under the carpet, whispered amongst the closest of friends and bitched about by many. I want to create awareness about difficult things that people face in life; grief, mental health, money, illnesses, family troubles, relationship difficulties and putting yourself first. I want to tell the truth about things that really matter.

Saturday, 1 November 2014

Marriage is a Verb

Definition of a verb; a verb is a doing word. Examples of verbs include; a physical action, a mental action or a state of being. 

A good friend once told me that "marriage is a verb not a noun." While I don't have years of experience on my martial resume,  one year is enough to know that this might just perhaps be the key to unlocking an ever growing and fruitful happiness between two people who joined lives with promises to stand strong in the face of life's woes and wins.

While marriage is one of the most beautiful things that you can ever share with another person, the act of being married doesn't necessary make you happy; it's the continual effort and selflessness that you must show another person to understand and respect their love language and goals so that you can both achieve mutual happiness that builds the foundations of a strong relationship.

There is no doubt that there will be times when you can't wait to snuggle in bed and share your day with your partner and there's times when you'll leave a clear message that the couch is his place of respite for the night with a carefully laid out pillow and doona (okay so pillows and doonas clearly ripped off one bed in haste and frustration and dumped on the couch! )

They'll be times when you're both on the same page working towards a joint goal and other times when you almost feel like you're living separate lives as your energy is used to achieve personal goals.

There's times when you'll feel like a little kid in a candy store giggling over calling each other husband and wife and times when you'll have to stop and remind yourself about what made you fall in love with the person in the first place.

Just like any relationship,  they'll be times when you feel inseparable and times when you just want some god damn space before you lose your shit and start throwing things creating World War 3.

So what holds a marriage together? How can two people,  despite their differences,  faults, personal goals, fights, flaws and passion, makes a relationship last?

Is it love?

Is it commitment?

Is it communication?

Is it respect?

Is it gifts?

Is it actions?

Is it quality time?

Is it physical attraction?

I'm no expert but I think that a strong marriage is determined by something more than love....

Two people can be totally insatiable with each other, yet they might not function as a couple.

Two people can share a bond, a journey and a life time together but they might not feel loved and happy.

Two people can respect, communicate and shower each other in gifts but might not feel loved.

So what is it the "key" to happiness?

Marriage is a verb not a noun; maybe it's as simple and as complicated as putting effort into understanding each others needs and wants so that both people feel loved.

I can not recommend the book The Five Love Languages enough; it seriously saved my relationship when we first moved in together. Understanding that there are 5 different ways to show people that they are loved, and working out which love language your partner is so that you can change your behavior, thoughts and feelings to ensure that your partners "love tank" is full, is just one way that our actions can help to create a strong marriage.

Yes, people enter into marriage for life, but it is still a choice to stay with that person; you owe it to your partner and yourself and do everything in your power to make the foundation of your life; your marriage,  as strong as it can possibly be, so that your love is forever a verb (growing, understanding, evolving, loving) and never a noun.

What do you think?

Do you have any secrets to a successful marriage?

You can buy the book here;


Look after yourself and those around you,

Kirsty xxx

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