Depression; My Journey Through My Blog

Without a doubt, writing about my experiences with mental health is what has helped me to accept, deal with and to start the journey of moving on from such an emotionally challenging, traumatic and life changing time in my life.

I must admit that while I was right in the middle of my depression, I swore my friends and family to secrecy as I didn't want people to find out and think any differently of me.

There is no way, that during that time, I ever would've had the courage to blog; I wasn't in the right frame of mind, I couldn't concentrate, I had switched off from the old side world and I was too ashamed to accept my illness.

Sometimes, I wonder whether the reason that I started my blog was purely a selfish one. Did I start it so that people could try to start and understand depression so that if it ever did return when we moved back to the country, that people would be more accepting of it?

Did it start out as my way of saying hello world, this is me and all of me, you may have heard about my illness through whispers and this is my way of telling the story and setting things straight? 

Was I scared of how people would react when they found out and would think I'm some nut job and distance themselves from me when we moved back to the small country town that I grew up in?

Maybe they were subconscious reasons, that at the time of writing my first blog, I hadn't given a lot of thought too.

The truth is, that whatever the reason, I was determined to speak more openly about mental health to try and help others in similar situations, and to try like hell to stop anyone from going through what I did; if I could reach just one person then it was worth putting my story and experience out there for the world to read about.

So where did my journey start?

The first ever blog post that I wrote was called 'Grabbing Life by the Balls and Going For It.'

Blogging was completely new to me, and I wanted to test the water and peoples reactions when I first ever posted my opinions on a public forum.

One of the very first things that I said was

'I'm totally stepping outside of my comfort zone to explore whether sharing my life experiences in blog form is beneficial to me and others'.

I was so uncertain, but I had this deep burning desire to write, and to write truthfully.

After that first blog post, I grew more confident.

In the second post, I knew that I wanted to slowly open the doors to depression, and start my attempts at trying to break down the stigmas.

I don't think anyone but a depression sufferer could possibly know how hard it was for me to write 5 small words.

I titled the post 'Knowing the Difference Between I'm Good and I'm Really Not Coping But I'll Say I'm Good Anyway.'

Five little words at the end of the post broke my heart; 

It started with 1 in 3 people suffer from a mental health.

I am one of them.

Five tiny words carrying the weight of my world.

I bawled and bawled and bawled when I wrote that first piece; I'm pretty sure I sobbed.

It was the first time that I had outwardly admitted to those outside of my closest friendship and family groups that I had suffered from a mental health illness.

I am sure that there were people who knew of me, or knew me, that were completely shocked when they read that sentence; there were people in my netball club and people who I worked with who would've had no idea just how sick I got; I just went missing for a couple of months.

Of course people would ask where I went, but they were met with diversions from my friends and family as I had told them to keep it quiet while I delt with it.

Again, the response that I received blew me away. People who I didn't really know emailed me, people would give me hugs apologising that they didn't know or weren't there for me, and I think people were genuinely in shock.

I didn't realise but that was a real turning point for me; it was like a cork had been placed in my mouth that stopped me from talking about my experience and then all of a sudden, once the cork had shot out like it would from a champagne bottle, the words started to flow.

I wrote my third blog post addressing depression called 'What It's Like to Suffer From Depression.'

I remember writing it at 530 in the morning. The idea came to me and I knew that I wouldn't be able to go back to sleep until I had the words down on paper. Once I had finished it, I read it to my loving partner, and then I very nervously clicked the post button and waited for the reactions.

I think I checked the blog post count 1,000 times that day!

The post gave me a chance to reflect on the causes of my depression, and made me realise just how far I'd come to be able to accept that there were both uncontrollable factors (my genes) and controllable factors (just how busy and stressed that I was) that contributed to my depression.

I remember my friends all celebrating that I could finally speak openly about it for they all knew how tough that blog was to write.

I realised that like me, there were many other people who had experienced similar stories, which made my experience start to feel 'normal' for someone suffering from depression. At the time that I was sick, I thought that surely no one else must of been feeling as low as I did, or that I just wasn't handling it at all and why could everyone else, particularly because I did have the support of my loved ones, but as other peoples stories started rolling in, I knew that I was not alone.

After that the next toughest blog post was called Depression; the Silent Killer. I knew that I wanted to make a real impact to people when they read it; I almost wanted to shock people with the use of pictures of me when I was healthy and sick, into seeing that even though the illness is invisible it is very real.

It was the first blog post that I shared onto ABC Open. I think at the time I was going through my angry stage of dealing with my illness. I was still angry that people questioned the illness; how could they be so blind? With all of the rates of suicide, how can people still think that it's all in people's heads?

I thought that if I was honest with my experience, then maybe it could open peoples eyes.

This post lead into Depression; Breaking the Myth Around Happy Pills.

People had obviously started asking more questions about my depression, and how I had overcome it. I knew that I wanted to write something to show fellow sufferers that it's okay to take the medication, and to show that you wouldn't think twice about taking panadol, so why doubt depression tablets?

I knew that there was a stigma out there about them making you all ga ga and happy all of the time, and I really wanted to make people think twice.

I think deep down that I wanted to make people feel comfortable to take the medication, because if I had've taken mine sooner, then I'm sure that my illness wouldn't have gotten so bad. For so long I was determined that I didn't need them and that'd I'd get better; I didn't want to have to accept that I needed help as the illness was outside of my control. As soon as I accepted that the medication was my last choice, and that I had tried everything else, I finally started getting better. While the medication did take some time to kick in, once it had it allowed my moods and thinking to stabilise so that I could start to gain control over my life again; it gave me back my will to survive.

My confidence grew with my posts and I knew that ultimately, I wanted to address the taboo subject of suicide; after all my blog was called Unspoken Conversations and if I couldn't talk about it openly in a forum like this, when would I ever? I started to realise that if I wanted to be able to break free from the anger, regret, self loathing and sadness of my actions during depression, then I needed to be able to let it all out.

By far, the hardest post to write was 'l Almost Lost My life to Depression'. I remember reading a newspaper article about the government hiding suicide statistics that made me so angry that I knew it was time to be open about my experience.

I forwarded on the post to my closest friends and family before I put it up on my blog. Obviously my suicide attempts had affected them immensely, and I didn't want to make them hurt anymore then I already had.

As soon as I wrote that blog, I felt free. It sounds silly, but I could finally admit to myself that I had in fact, gotten that low, that suicide had impacted my life.

Don't get me wrong, I still cry over just how bad my depression got. I still think how on earth did I let it get that bad? I'm still grateful that I'm here to tell my tale and that's exactly why I wrote that post, because I am still here, unlike so many others in the same position that I was in.

Remembering those dark and lonely days, where I was scared, and felt so far from myself, breaks my heart. It breaks my heart to think that there are people out there today, who are feeling exactly that way, with no light insight.

I wanted them to know that suicidal thoughts were all part of the illness.

Even though I began to feel better as I wrote more openly about my experience, the thing that i couldn't let go and stop blaming myself for was how my depression affected those around me. My mum wrote a blog post on how it affected her and my dad. I remember reading it and falling apart. 

No parent should ever have to see their daughter in the Intensive Care Unit struggling for survival after a prescription drug overdose. Knowing that I could never taken those images back killed me.

But the fact that I could write a blog post openly about my suicidal attempt, showed just how far I had come in my journey with moving on from depression, that my friends and family were super proud.

Since then, my most difficult blog post to write was 'Remembering Those Who Lost their Lives to Depression'.

My heart breaks thinking of those who lost their life to depression; I know the pain they were feeling, and I know jut how low you must go to think that suicide is the only answer to the illness that at the time robs you of life, and makes you feel like the world would be a better place without you.

I guess I really wanted to write the post so that people could see that suicide isn't a selfish act; it's a serious outcome to a silent and deadly illness; an illness like no other.

I thought that perhaps I could help the loved ones of people who have died from depression to get a glimpse inside the heads of the people they'd lost, and just for a minute, maybe begin to understand their reasoning a little more.

Without a doubt, the journey of my post depression has been made a whole lot easier through my blog; and I have been able to deal with my experience much better by being open to myself and others.

I truly hope that my honesty has helped others.

To say that depression will never happen to me again, or that I am completely over it, is a complete understatement, and something, that I'll probably never be able to say.

You never get over depression, or at least, the memories of it and I am grateful for that, because it makes me stop and appreciate the little things, and just how lucky I am to still be alive, and to be happy.

There's still a long journey ahead for me, and at the moment, I'm struggling with whether I should start to decrease my medication, but I don't think I'm quite ready yet.

But I thank my blog, and my readers, for giving me the courage to face my demons, and to be able to slowly move on, and to turn my experience into a positive one to help others.

Look after yourself and those around you,

Kirsty xxxx

Over The Wedding - Ready For the Marriage

This crazy thing happens when planning a wedding; you get over it pretty quickly. Yup, that's the harsh truth, or at least it's what I'm currently experiencing and judging by my giggles with other wives, it's the same for them too.

It's crazy to think before getting engaged many people ohhh and ahhhh over the ring, and while the bling bling is super special, beautiful and exciting, once you've gotten engaged you realise that it's the promise, commitment and next chapter in your life that is so much more fulfilling then the ring.

And then, there's all of this hoo haaaa and picture perfect white wedding talk that follows as soon as the ring is on your finger. Sometimes you find yourself on repeat answering the 'how's the wedding plans going' questions, and you start to think about what you used to talk about before the big day! 

Don't get me wrong, planning a wedding is super fun; I have loved almost every minute of it. There's something about planning a wedding that brings you closer to your partner, and gives you an excuse to catch up and go on dates to cake tastings, caterer meetings, discussions over scones for your ceremony, and much more that only the bride and groom can do together. And yes, it's super special when you find that dress that you are going to marry your future husband in, and super spunky to see your fiancee in his suit. 

As the day drawers nearer you realise just how special it is going to be to have your closest friends and family all together to celebrate your decision to commit yourself to your lover for life.

But omg, I'm soooo over it!

We're at the point where we've got the remaining bills to pay for the wedding and we're just like geez, not more. We're going through the emotions of chasing the last minute quotes, having to re lock in companies due to cancellations and well shelling out more money haha

And then, you find yourself at the point where you are looking forward to the marriage, way more then the day. You start to really agree with what they say about a wedding being just one day of your life, where marriage is a choice for life, and you can't wait to 'start' that life as a married couple. It truly feels like things are just beginning and you've got so much more to look forward too!

I am so excited to call Mick my husband. I am so excited to see what we can achieve in our marriage. I can't wait to change my last name to Traeger. I can't wait for Mick to wear his ring so that he's visibly off of the market haha I can't wait for Mick to eventually father my children and I can't wait for our families to unite as one.

But I'm also excited to start focusing on renovating our house and making our life more comfortable rather then spending all of our money on one day.

I kind of feel like our life has been on hold for the year since fully focusing on the wedding time, energy and money wise, and I can't wait to have those precious three things back to be actually able to work on our marriage and build the life we've always dreamed of.

6 weeks and counting until our special day!

I'm sure once it's passed I'll look back and wish I could do it all over again, and I'm sure that it'll be the best day of our lives to date, and all of the organising, moolah and time will be totally worth it to marry my best friend.

Did you 'get over the wedding'?

What tips do you have in the final preparation month?

Look after yourself and those around you,

Kirsty 

Making it all Work Financially; How Do They Do It?

What do you have to show for all of the money you have earnt over your working life time?

I found myself pondering this question the other day on the way to work.

Let's face it, we spend more time with the people we work with then with anybody else, and we spend more time trying to earn our keep then any other activity, so what's the point?

Why do we work so hard? Why do we bust our guts working 40 + hours a week, and often trying to score as much overtime that we can for some extra cash, or taking on second jobs just to be able to have a few more pennies to our name?

I guess the answer is to have a better life, or, for some, to be able to afford to live, and to be able to obtain all of the commodities that we'd like to make our lives comfortable.

So why then, is it, that we often get to our tax return, and scratch our heads over the amount of money that we have earnt, versus what we actually have to show for it. When we look back over the year that was, sometimes we find ourselves laughing at all of our drunken nights, or big retail therapy splurges, but are these the things that we really work towards?

Then, when we start thinking about what we really want, we find ourselves getting nervous, wondering how on earth we'll ever be able to afford to manage our spending or squeeze in repayments for that brand new car, or flash new house, on an already tight budget, that you have to work 40+ hours a week to have in your bank account.

From my own experiences, I truly believe that it's not much how you earn that dictates what you do or don't have in your life, it's more about how you choose to spend your money that counts.

If you really want something, then you will learn how to go without other things, in order to be able to afford that special purchase.

So what on earth am I talking about? Of course it matters how much you earn!

Well true, some people do work full time and still manage to be below the poverty line, struggling to pay rent, but I would argue that the majority of people, would earn roughly $40,000 plus a year, and could therefore afford to go on a holiday, or pay for a house, if that is what they really wanted.

My experience

Lately, my partner and I have been asked, how do we do it financially? We are both 25 and we own 2 properties, one in which we live in, and the other an investment property in an Australian capital city. Last year we performed some serious DIY and added an outside area to our investment property, as well as turning a shed into a granny flat with an ensuite.

At the same time as managing repayments, we are also paying for a wedding, we still manage to have a social life, and we can still travel overseas.

So how we do make ends meet? How do we manage to have any money left in the kitty after the bills?

Well, my partner and I am super lucky and we both work. We have always shared our money, in a joint bank account.

Our secret is to live off of one wage, and save the entire other pay packet.

When we bought our first house, the loan was a super small $60,000, just so that we could get in the market. Yes the house is very average, and yes, many people have told us that it needs a bulldozer, but at the end of the day, the repayments that we make each fortnight are less then the amount that we would be paying for rent, and we get to keep the house! It is going to need some tender loving care and money spent on it to bring it up to scratch, but it is a renovators delight and we're super excited to work on it next year. The fact is, that it's affordable, liveable, and gave us enough equity to be able to buy our house in Adelaide.

Which leads me on to our investment property. Luckily for us, my fiancee was always a forward thinking man, and when he bought the first place, he knew that one day we'd be able to use the equity on that property, as part of a deposit for our next big buy.

When we were looking for our second house to buy, we knew that it was only for investment proposes, and therefore, we had to firstly check out how much on average, people would pay for rent in the city that we bought. Once we learnt that, we knew what kind of a price tag that we could look for, as we knew that the repayments would have to be close to the amount that we could charge the house out for, for rent, so that eventually, the renter's could pay off our property. It wasn't an easy task. On average, fortnightly rent in the city we were looking in was roughly $600 to $700. At the time that we were looking for property, interest rates were quite high, which meant that we would've only been able to afford a house for around $280,000, with repayments that would be covered by our rental income. An evaluation of our first property, confirmed the amount of equity that we'd have, and as a result, we only needed to save $10,000 for our next property. As we were keen to buy a house over a unit, we had to do some serious researching in newspapers and on websites, for property that met our criteria (3 bedrooms, large backyard, low maintenance gardens, little to no renovating needed on the inside, ability to add value with extensions, shed, parking, close to shops and public transport, safe location etc). We ended up finding a house that ticked all of the boxes, and fortunately enough, it was close to our budget. In the end, we spent $320,000 on our investment property. As the interest rates dropped, so did the repayments.

Now we have renter's in our investment property, who fortunately enough for us, cover our repayments. All we need to pay for is water, council rates, maintenance and a real estate agent who manages the tenant and the property to ensure that both are looked after, and repayments are made on time.

One of our wages pays for these additional costs, and the repayments on the house that we live in, as well as all of the bills (food, electricity, gas, property insurance, car insurance, car registration, food, water, council rates on both properties, phones, emergency services levy, income protection, mainytenance etc).

The entire other pay we save.

That gives us enough money each year to be able to afford a holiday, or renovations to improve our properties, or to pay for the wedding, as we are this year.

We have managed to cut down our living costs to be bare minimal, so that we can still afford to buy new cloths, go out for dinner, holiday, renovate and enjoy life.

We probably spend $50 per week, if that on food. We buy a meat pack

once a month for a local butcher worth $100 and that lasts us. We buy meat on special, frozen vegetables, tinned foods, pasta, tuna, potatoes and food that is filling, yet delicious.

We have some fairly basic foods that we eat regularly ie pasta bakes, tuna mornay, baked potatoes, home made pizza, roasts, stews, soups, curries, bbqs, gnocci, and the such, that are all very cheap to make and last a couple of days.

We turn switches off at the powerpoints, and rarely use the heater and airconditioner unless it's ridicously hot or cold to save power.

We only run one car, so that's only one lot of registration and insurance, tyres, services and petrol per year.

We use our mobile phones are wi fi hot spots, instead of paying for the internet sperately.

We are both on $59 a month plans, that we never go over as we have chosen plans that suit our needs.

We buy clothes at factory direct outlets so that we still score the big brands and decently made clothes, but at a fraction of the price.

We give ourselves a budget when we go out, and we make sure that we don't go over it so that we don't regret it the next day when we've got major hangovers and can't afford rent because we over spent on beverages.

We allow each other a certain amount of spending money per week, which can be used at our own disgression, but we don't go over it ie Mick buys a carton of beer and I might buy a jumper or have a massage. 

When special events come up that require spending out of the ordinary, we look at our budget and shuffle things around so that we don't miss out.

We try to pack our lunches for work instead of buying them (but we do splurge occasionally).

It's not really a matter of being tight asses, it's just a matter of knowing where your money is going, and where you can save, so that you can afford to live the lifestyle that you want.

In no way are my partner and I expert budgeters. Of course there are nights when we get carried away with friends and spend way too much that we're scared to check the bank account the next day. We've had to borrow money from our parents from time to time to get through the end of the month, and we've had to take out a loan to help pay for our verandah extensions when we performed major renovations last year that we pay off each fortnight.

But what we try to do is always be mindful of the life that we want to live, when making big purchases. Do we really need to buy surround sound on an interest free loan? Probably not. Do we really want to have a credit card to be able to afford that amazing honeymoon? No. Do we really need to sign up to every online website and spend money on deals that are too good to be true on items that we probably don't need anyway? Certainly not.

What we do want is to be able to eventually afford our dream home and reliable car, while still travelling the world and having an active social life, and to do that, we must be mindful of our wants versus our needs.

Do you have any tips for budgeting?

Look after yourself and those around you,

Kirsty xxx

Changing Priorities

How have your priorities changed over time?

What would you say are your priorities?

I was thinking about these things the other day.

A couple of years ago I would've felt satisfied if I woke up on a Sunday morning with sore feet proving that I'd danced my ass off, blisters from wearing killer high heels, a throbbing headache from one too many beverages, a camera beside my bed full of random, yet highly entertaining photos that I'd captured the night before and had drunkingly looked through and laughed at while falling into bed, scrabbling for my phone to see who i had drunken dialled, an empty lasagna dish from which I'd purged myself on with the major munchies after being out, potentially garlic breath from a yiros that I had smashed along Hindley street, a going out purse that i'd assess that nights damage with and either shudder if i saw eftpos receipts or cheer if i had any money left at all ( and even better if I had more in it then what I'd started the Saturday night with!) and probably one hell of a mess to clean up from where I'd pulled all of my clothes out of my cupboard to find the perfect outfit the night before and plastic cups, empty bottles, and pizza boxes from pre drinking.

Now, 2 years on, that exact scenario sounds like my worst nightmare.

I now feel completely satisfied if I wake up Sunday morning feeling refreshed and revitalised after a great nights sleep, ready to attack the day head on with a clean thinking mind, and full of vitality, with no hangover what so ever insight!

I'd lay in bed reminiscing about the Saturday night that we spent entertaining guests at our house, with the pot belly cranked, Webber fired up, and board games a plenty, as we sat around our outside area sharing stories, chuckling over past memories, making predications for the future, competing girls versus boys and couples versus couples in nail biting intensity, yet highly entertaining imaginative and creative thinking while playing Pictionary, Clue Do and the like! Of course, beverages are still a plenty, but gone are the days of setting out to 'get smashed' and now it's more steadily paced drinking between conversations. Background music would be playing, but at a noise level that you can finish the night with a voice that isn't hoarse from yelling in the ear of the person sitting right next to you! The night would come to an end when the yawns outweighed the conversation, bellies were full from food and beverages, jaws were sore from laughing, everyone was over playing board games, and people started calculating how much sleep they'd get and deciding that they'd rather call it quits while the going is good, so that they can also have a fun and productive Sunday!

Oh how my priorities have changed. I guess it's just something that comes with time, and cough, maturity; changing priorities that is.

Sometimes it's hard to relate to your partner, or your friends when you have different priorities.

It's always easier when you and your partner are on the same page, working together towards making shared goals and dreams come true. I think that one of the main reasons that couples fight, and potentially break up or divorce, is because their priorities change, or they have different priorities ie the man maybe working hard towards paying off a mortgage while the wife is spending money on commodities or the guy is keen to hit the town with his friends every weekend while the girl is keen to start settling down and spending time at home cuddling on the couch.

It's therefore important to discuss your priorities with your partner, in order to make sure that you are ultimately working towards the same big things together. Of course, that doesn't mean that you still can't have your own individual goals, but it just means that you have a primary focus together, and secondary focuses work around this.

Sometimes I think it is really hard as your friends start getting different priorities, as it is often hard to understand or relate to how and why people do things in a certain order or in different ways to you.

For example, my partner and I found it difficult when we first bought our house and had to start paying a mortgage. None of our close friends owned homes, so of course, their focus and priorities were all about going out, entertaining, wining and dining, holidaying and purchasing nice goodies. All of a sudden, we became house proud, and started spending our time, money and energy on renovating, and pumping money into our house. We had to start saying no and skipping certain events in order to pump money into our investment.

As you could imagine, this sometimes caused friction! But, as our friends start to also buy homes, they are beginning to understand just how their priorities are also changing.

I guess at the end of the day, it's just a fact of life that people are going to grow up at different stages, and experience a variety of challenges, all at differing times, but the best thing to do is to try not to compare yourselves to each other, and to accept that priorities do change, and that's okay.

I'd much rather sit on the couch in my trackies and uggies with a cup of green tea, writing my blog on a Sunday rather then being out and about!!!


Look after yourself and those around you,

Kirsty xxx

What Do You Want To Achieve Before You Die?

Have you ever thought about what you truly want to achieve before you die?

It kind of sounds morbid, but I mean it in a positive, inspirational, motivational way.

What is it, deep down in your guts, that you feel like you need to do, or want to do, or what kind of a person do you wish to be remembered for, in your life?


I found myself pondering this the other day; what is it that I want to achieve - for me - for my own satisfaction? And what is it that I want to achieve for my family and relationship with my partner? And, what do I want to commit to the community and society?

There were only 5 big things that stood out to me - 5 things that really truly meant something to me - that gave me a sense of purpose, achievement and accomplishment.

Number 1. To write a book. I've always wanted to have the courage to write a book. To be honest, I think I have wayyy over thought the whole process and have scared myself into inaction. I'm scared that no one would buy it but on the other hand, I'm nervous that if it did become a huge hit, how I would handle 'fame' and recognition and just how that would change the life I love. My blog is the first step to me achieving my writing dream. Starting my blog has given me so much courage and confidence with writing, and has shown me how truly rewarding it can be. I guess I worry that writing a book would turn my hobby into a career, and I'm just not sure if that's what I want. Right now, I can write what I want, when I want. When you become a journalist, you are told what to write and when, with tight deadlines, and everyone knows that full time writers rarely pay the bills unless they strike it big. Catch 22 really. Right now I find my fulfilment in my blog, but who knows what the future holds, maybe, just maybe one day, I'll see my name on the front cover of a book (or by then probably on a tablet as books won't exist!!!)

Number 2. Own a beach shack. I was always envious of my friends who could pack up their stuff and vacate to the beach for 3 months over summer. I always hated having to pack the bag with eskies, towels, sunscreen, shade tents, fishing rods, bogey boards, bathers, snorkels, food and everything in between, only to have to pack it all up and shove it back into the car after a day at the beach to return home. I love the freedom and break from routine that a shack brings to a family. I love the friendly, relaxed atmosphere that a shack creates, as well as the family vibe (especially when TVs are replaced with board games and cards). I love the idea of spending my days waking up to the smell of the beach, and sound of kids laughing while they play out on the deck!!!

Number 3. Live on a farm. I grew up in the country but I was a 'townie'. While many of my friends grew up on a farm, and enjoyed the wide open space and freedom that a farm brings, I grew up with noisy neighbours and having to keep our music 'to a reasonable noise level!' I always envied my friends who got to grow up raring lambs, driving with their dad on the tractor, not having neighbours, being able to cruise around on four wheelers, learn to drive from the age they could walk, help out during shearing, drive the chaser bin during seeding, and well, just explore, roam and love the openness of a farm. I knew that one day, I'd want to raise my children on a farm, so that they could enjoy and appreciate the simple things in life, like new life, where milk and grain comes from, trust, respect and responsibility to do the right thing unsupervised, and to appreciate the slowed pace of life. One day I hope that we can live in a big old stone farm house, with a shearing shed, veggie and herb garden, and big wide open paddocks with beautiful sunsets and undisturbed night skies.

Number 4: To create a family out of the love that my partner and I have for each other. To be honest, I'm not super maternal, in fact, my family and I always joke about how I want my children to come out with the maturity, abilities and personality of a one year old (just not the size!) I'm not super patient with a newborn and their crying! But, one day I know it'll be different with a child of our own, and I can't wait for the love that you must feel when you produce a little human being who is half of you and your partner.

Number 5: Hold a fundraising event for mental health. It's something that I feel so passionate and strongly about. I really want the opportunity to raise funds and awareness about mental health, and how it impacts an individual, families and communities. I dream of having guest speakers talk about their experiences, and people volunteering their time and resources to help to raise money for Beyond Blue.




What do you want to achieve or own before you die? 

Look after yourselves and those around you,

Kirstyxxx 

Living In The Future

A wise man once told me 'it's great to have a vision for the future to give yourself something to strive towards, but never lose focus of the present; too many people live for the future, and forget about the here and now.'

I guess I've really only understood and appreciated this advice as I have grown older, and as my dreams, goals and accomplishments have gone from getting an a on a school paper, to renovating homes, owning investment properties, travelling the big wide world, starting a family, getting married and everything in between.

As I have become 'more mature', I have started to realise that it is a difficult thing at times, to balance living in the here and now with living for the future.

Sometimes, I think, society can be blamed for giving us mixed messages;

'Plan for your future'.

'Buy now; pay later.'

'Interest free for 12 months!'

'Set yourself up before starting a family.'

'Don't get into too much debt!'

'Young people don't know what it's like these days to start from scratch and build themselves up - they want the best of the best right away and aren't prepared to work hard, wait and sacrifice for their commodities'.

Yup, I'm sure you've heard it all. From media to advertising to teachers, family and friends, we've all been ear bashed with ways to improve our lives, and things to strive for, in the future. Heck, many companies now provide interest free loans for people to improve their life right here and now with the latest flat screen TV, iPad and roller shutters, without having to pay a cent upfront....but what many fail to see is just how they are going to manage to pay these things back, without scrimping and saving and going without food, shopping, dinner dates and life's small luxuries along the way.

So how can we balance planning, purchasing and splurging for the future while still living and loving life in the now?

I don't really know to be honest. 

I guess I'm super conscious of stopping, standing still, taking a deep breath, and appreciating life as it is, in the here and now. I'm aware that too often we 'live for the future' and forget about just how precious the moments, friends, family, memories, sense of security, love, appreciation, effort and kindness that we have in our lives, right now.

Too often I fall into the trap of thinking that life will be easier and more enjoyable once we've finished renovating, or once we've paid off the bills this week, or when we move back home and it's a slower pace of life, or when we own reliable new cars, or life will be better when we have a nice house to live in; and I forget that what I have right now, is enough; in fact it's way more then half of the worlds population has!

At the end of the day, we all know that the bills keep coming, the renovations never end, and there's always something that we'll be saving for; making things tighter then we'd like.

We all do it; whether we're conscious of it or not - live in the future that is.

We send our partners off to the mines to make the big bucks and pay off our debts faster.

We work overtime just for an extra $100 bucks to make ends meet, and to be able to afford life's luxuries.

We all put off going out for dinner and splurging on that nice dress or gorgeous pair of leather boots, because we must save and sacrifice for our new house, or new car and big holiday.

We all dream of the big perfect house (mine has a white picket fence, french shutters, huge library of books, a hammock swaying out the back, with a dishwasher and all of the latest gadgets and gizmo's to make life easier).

We all strive towards great jobs, promotions, big pay packets, success, and a sense of achievement in the work place, all so that we can afford the things that we've always dreamt of.

No one ever likes to settle on anything less but their dreams, wants, and needs.

People take out huge mortgages for their dream house, and find themselves slaves to the banks, trying to scrimp and save every last penny just to make their fortnightly repayments.

But at what cost?

Living for the future means sacrificing what? Present happiness? The thrill of some retail therapy so that you have something new in your wardrobe to bust out on the weekend, feeling self esteem oozing, confidence building, and revitalised? The chance to go out on a date night with your partner to just sit and chat, without everyday life distractions? The opportunity to relish the precious moments with your children if you work away or super long hours? Sacrificing family time on weekends to work a few extra hours for a couple extra dollars in your pay packet after the tax man has greedily gobbled up your moolah, staying in instead of going out with friends because you can barely afford your repayments let alone alcohol for the night?

At what cost does living in the future hold on the present?

In no way am I saying that it's 'bad' to be forward thinking, or to have a plan for the future and goals that you'd like to achieve together as you build your life, but all I am trying to say is that every now and again, we have to be mindful of being able to live and love life in the present, and not sacrificing those precious memories, quality time with loved ones, and your own health and well being to bust your guts for the 'future.'

For sometimes those who lose sight of the here and now; end up finding themselves very lonely and upset, as all they have ever known is to work hard for the future, and they have forgotten about the importance of the presence for relationship and character building.

Here's to loving, not just living life week to week paying bills.

Here's to life's little thrills, and being grateful for what we have, right here, right now.

Stop. Think. Appreciate.

Have a vision in mind for the future, but don't lose sight of the presence.

Look after yourself and those around you,

Kirsty xxx

Why Gen Y?

Times have changed, and the pressure on gen y to be everything, yet nothing, to obtain success and status, yet only in good time, to be married, yet youthful, but not too old, to have a family, but not before a career, and not without your career getting in your way of starting a family, and to maintain a loving relationship while juggling all of life's pressures without falling victim to divorce aka what some older people would say as 'young people giving up too easily' is really starting to grate my nerves.

Wow, that really is a lot to take in.

Let's break that down.

What peeves me about peoples perceptions and expectations on gen y?

Pet peeve 1: the narrow window. What on earth do I mean by a narrow window? Well, you know that time frame that is socially acceptable to 'do things'? You know, how if you are under a certain age, let's say, 23 and are married and or have children, then sometimes it's seen as too young, naive, and inexperienced, yet if you dare leave it until 26 and upwards, then your biological clock is ticking, your career shouldn't take the place of starting a family, and all of the good fish in the sea have been baited and caught? Wait a minute, so society is saying that there is a 2-3 year, well maybe 10 year tops 'age window' where gen y's should be getting married and having children to be socially accepted? What? Unrealistic expectations and contradiction in beliefs and opinions much?

Pet peeve 2; juggling a career and family for women. To add to this 'window of acceptability' is the pressure for women to have a career. Let's face it, if a gen y, 17 or 18 year old female told her teachers that all she wanted was to get married and have babies soon after school, then she'd be looked down upon. As sad as it is, now that women have choices, and feminists have fought so hard for women to be seen as equal in the work force, it is no longer socially acceptable for women's career goals to be solely raising a family. Therefore do women really have a choice? Yes, compared to gen x and baby boomers, gen y's have more career options, but on the flip side, the choice to become a young stay at home mum, before a career, has almost been taken away; society just doesn't provide the financial support and incentives for couples to start families young (just think about the costs of housing and child care!) Maybe I should ref raise this, it's not that gen y's can't start a family young, I think it's just way more difficult then it should be, both financially and receiving respect and encouragement to do so.

Pet peeve 3: caught in the middle of expectation. Many older generation people hold the belief that young people 'get things given to them on a silver platter' and don't work hard for what they have. One gentleman even said to me 'that young people want, what took us 50 years of hard work to get' ie brand new cars, houses, and the latest technology. But, on the flip side, if people choose to buy dilapidated houses that need renovating, second hand cars that need some fixing, and opt out of buying the newest gadgets then there also seems to be prejudice out there. New debates arise like the need for cars to be reliable and safe, the cost of completing renovations, the comparisons between people with old and new belongings, and the lack of respect and care that some people show towards anything that isn't brand spanking new. So how do gen y's win? If they are looked down upon for buying everything new, and on loans, without working hard to save for them first, but if they do buy second hand items, then they also cop slack for being cheap and nasty, then what is socially acceptable for the obtainment and quality of gen y's belongings? 

Pet peeve 4: that gen y's give up on marriages too easily. Nothing peeves me more then this. Yes, divorce is now a legal option to leave a marriage, but for many young people that I know, in their minds, divorce isn't an option at all. Yes, gen y's suffer different pressures to previous generations - they are juggling larger mortgages on single wages while they try to allow the mum to stay at home and raise their children, or, both parents are working in order to literally survive, pay the bills and put food on the table. Yes, there's more expectations for people to travel and have nice things from the get go, and to be able to afford all of these things. Yes, couples are placed under immense stress to run a house hold, maintain a career, spend time with their children, play sport, keep fit and healthy, volunteer at clubs, and still somehow manage to find time and energy for their marriage. But no, I don't think young people give up too easily; if anything, now that it is more socially acceptable to talk openly about marriage struggles, people seek help and pull out every stop before heading for divorce.

Pet peeve 5; that gen y's don't know what hard work is. Excuse me? Now, more then ever before, people are working longer hours, in fact, most full time employees work 40 plus hours a week, for 48 weeks of the year. On top of that, both people in a relationship are usually working full time, and still needing to complete all of the tasks and duties, to the same standard as the generations before them, on very limited time frames. Full time work does not stop couples from starting families, but it sure makes them work a whole lot harder to have a work life balance.

In no way am I saying that gen y's have it any easier or harder then any generation before them, i respect and amire the challenges and struggles of gen x's, baby boomers and everyone before that, but what I am trying to show is that gen y's deserve the respect and appreciation that those before them have had.

Let's cut gen y's some slack.

What do you think?

Have you struggled with any of my pet peeves in your life time?

Look after yourself and those around you,

Kirsty xxxx

What Makes You Happy?

To be honest, before I was sick, I never gave much thought to what made me happy - I guess I just took my happiness for granted. 

It wasn't until I found myself completely miserable, that I was forced to think about what usually made me happy, in order to try and dug myself out of my hole.

At the time, thinking of things that made me happy felt like an impossible task; it felt easier to wallow in self pity.

 Now, I see the true value in thinking about what makes us happy when we are feeling healthy because then;

A) We are less likely to take these things for granted.

B) We are more likely to make time in our life to do the things we love, instead of always doing the things we feel like we should be doing, or what others love.

C) We will feel empowered to be able to say 'no' to things that we don't love doing.

D) We have a strategy to know what to 'do' when we find ourselves stressed, or 'unhappy' that even for a short period of time, can make ourselves feel calm, at ease and feeling content, and stops things from blowing out to bigger and worse problems.

So my question to you today is, what makes you truly happy?

When I asked myself this question I came up with a list:

1. Having the time to sit and read a book of my choice, without interruptions or feeling 'guilty'.
2. Sitting in a candlelight room, snuggled up with my partner on the couch.
3. Writing a blog post because I want to, and not because I feel like I have to.
4. Creating awareness about topics that usually go undiscussed.
5. Taking a long bath full of bubbles.
6. Eating out for date night, where I get to spend quality time talking with my partner.
7. Sunshine.
8. Calling a friend instead of texting or Facebooking.
9. Getting enough sleep.
10. Taking on a challenging task (and trying to give myself praise for giving it a go, even if I fail at the outcome that I'd first sought out to achieve).
11. Full belly laughs.
12. Eating chocolate.... in moderation...if I ate too much then I end up feeling guilty and 'fat'.
13. Playing netball.
14. Making something special for someone.
15. Going to the beach and lazing around on my blow up bed in the water.
16. Drinking a nice glass of wine and savouring the taste.
17. Playing board games with friends and family.
18. Giving myself permission to have alone time and empty spots in my Calender.
19. Buying something new, but within reason and within our budget.
20. Having a full tummy.

Some of the things that make me happy may seem very simple. 

Some of the things that make me truly happy, might make you screw up your noise and think 'ugh', as you couldn't think of anything worse!!!

But I guess that's the point.

Not everything you like, others will like. Happiness doesn't have to be anything 'big' like buying a new car, or going on a massive overseas adventure.

Often when we think about it, the things that truly make us happy are the little things.

Want to put that to the test?

Well I know that I am incredibly unhappy if I haven't had enough sleep, my belly is rumbling and I haven't spent enough time with my partner, nor if I haven't given myself the chance to breath because I'm too busy!!!

So your challenge is to think about what truly makes you happy. You might write these down on a piece of paper, or in your phone, or you might just make a mental note of it.

Whatever you do, I think this works best if you have something to 'refer back to' when you feel overwhelmed, stress or unhappy, or even when you are feeling 'happy' and you're looking for something to do from your list!!!

Look after yourself and those around you,

Kirsty xxx

What Makes You Happy?

To be honest, before I was sick, I never gave much thought to what made me happy - I guess I just took my happiness for granted. 

It wasn't until I found myself completely miserable, that I was forced to think about what usually made me happy, in order to try and dug myself out of my hole.

At the time, thinking of things that made me happy felt like an impossible task; it felt easier to wallow in self pity.

 Now, I see the true value in thinking about what makes us happy when we are feeling healthy because then;

A) We are less likely to take these things for granted.

B) We are more likely to make time in our life to do the things we love, instead of always doing the things we feel like we should be doing, or what others love.

C) We will feel empowered to be able to say 'no' to things that we don't love doing.

D) We have a strategy to know what to 'do' when we find ourselves stressed, or 'unhappy' that even for a short period of time, can make ourselves feel calm, at ease and feeling content, and stops things from blowing out to bigger and worse problems.

So my question to you today is, what makes you truly happy?

When I asked myself this question I came up with a list:

1. Having the time to sit and read a book of my choice, without interruptions or feeling 'guilty'.
2. Sitting in a candlelight room, snuggled up with my partner on the couch.
3. Writing a blog post because I want to, and not because I feel like I have to.
4. Creating awareness about topics that usually go undiscussed.
5. Taking a long bath full of bubbles.
6. Eating out for date night, where I get to spend quality time talking with my partner.
7. Sunshine.
8. Calling a friend instead of texting or Facebooking.
9. Getting enough sleep.
10. Taking on a challenging task (and trying to give myself praise for giving it a go, even if I fail at the outcome that I'd first sought out to achieve).
11. Full belly laughs.
12. Eating chocolate.... in moderation...if I ate too much then I end up feeling guilty and 'fat'.
13. Playing netball.
14. Making something special for someone.
15. Going to the beach and lazing around on my blow up bed in the water.
16. Drinking a nice glass of wine and savouring the taste.
17. Playing board games with friends and family.
18. Giving myself permission to have alone time and empty spots in my Calender.
19. Buying something new, but within reason and within our budget.
20. Having a full tummy.

Some of the things that make me happy may seem very simple. 

Some of the things that make me truly happy, might make you screw up your noise and think 'ugh', as you couldn't think of anything worse!!!

But I guess that's the point.

Not everything you like, others will like. Happiness doesn't have to be anything 'big' like buying a new car, or going on a massive overseas adventure.

Often when we think about it, the things that truly make us happy are the little things.

Want to put that to the test?

Well I know that I am incredibly unhappy if I haven't had enough sleep, my belly is rumbling and I haven't spent enough time with my partner, nor if I haven't given myself the chance to breath because I'm too busy!!!

So your challenge is to think about what truly makes you happy. You might write these down on a piece of paper, or in your phone, or you might just make a mental note of it.

Whatever you do, I think this works best if you have something to 'refer back to' when you feel overwhelmed, stress or unhappy, or even when you are feeling 'happy' and you're looking for something to do from your list!!!

Look after yourself and those around you,

Kirsty xxx

Is Marriage Outdated?

Via

Is marriage a 'thing of the past'?

Has it lost it's meaning?

Is a lifelong commitment in sickness and health, the good and the bad taken seriously anymore?

Is there a 'need' for marriage in today's society?

As sad as these questions are, the skepticism around marriage exists.

In order to understand how and why society's views on marriage have changed in this generation, I've decided to interview both my Nana and my mum, to see what the social norms were around the time that they were married.

Nana (71 years old, baby boomer)

Every ones life followed a cycle; you courted a boy or girl, started a relationship, became engaged and planned your wedding. People rarely moved in together before they were married, as that was looked down upon. Children were only 'allowed' during marriage. Having children outside of wedlock bought shame to your family. I remember one girl from my town who fell pregnant to a married man. She was whisked off to Adelaide to deliver the baby and forced to give up her child for adoption. Upon her return, no one ever talked about it.

Mum (49 years old, gen x)

Getting married was something that you 'just did'; no one questioned it. Many people married younger because there wasn't a push for women to have a career. It was only after I had been married for 10-20 years that I started hearing people referring to marriage as 'just a piece of paper.' Having children outside of wedlock was a definite no no. Many people also didn't live together until they were married.

So what has changed in today's society that has bought marriage into question, in just  one short generation?

After talking with both my Nana and Mum, it stood out to me just how much of a shift there has been in our thinking, expectations towards the progression of an intimate relationship, and what is now 'socially acceptable' behaviour.

It is now more then ever, socially acceptable to have children outside of wedlock. You would rarely hear of a woman being whisked away and forced to adopt their child these days, if she happened to fall pregnant outside of marriage. In fact, forced adoption is now looked down upon.

People no longer have to be married in order to have children by social standards. According to the Australian Bureau of Statistics 'marriage as the traditional social institution for family formation is declining'.

There is no longer 'one right way;' to life; somewhere along the line chapters have been skipped and skimmed over. New books, with changing formats are emerging, and what was once acceptable and the 'must read and obey' is now being bought into question, and all in the time space of a generation. 

People are now left wondering what, if any, is the 'right way' to go about life. This grey area of expectation can be a case for anxiety and stress for a lot of people, particularly when different generations expectations upon them are different.

Couples are buying houses and moving out from their parents before they walk down the aisle,  and that is okay, if not even expected these days. In fact, if you are a 30 + year old, dating man or woman still living at home with your parents then people would question your motives, credibility and sanity (very tongue in cheek).

But seriously, now, if you don't live together before you are married, it is almost frowned upon. Many would think that you should live together before you married, just to make sure that you can live together before making a major commitment.

You get the picture; times have drastically changed our perceptions, social norms and opinions; but has that change transferred over to the idea of marriage?

Is there a need to be married anymore?

Why would you want to marry someone when you can 'do all of the things' that were once only accepted if you were a man and wife?

Does this new found 'freedom' to breed, live and love under the same roof before marriage, under value the reason for choosing to marry someone in the first place?

All of a sudden there is less urgency to get married to 'take the next step' and move in with your partner, because chances are you are already living together, and therefore, getting married is just an 'unnecessary cost and waste of money that you couldn't afford anyway.'

So why bother about marriage if everything in the past that it stood for, is now being accepted outside of this commitment?

I think we need to open our minds even wider to understand that marriage is more than just a set of rules, expectations and acceptable behaviour within it.

Marriage is taking the next step in the level of commitment that you promise to make to another human being.

It's about making the decision to share your life with another person, who you love unconditionally. It's about devoting your actions, feelings and thoughts towards the future you picture with your beloved, while respecting each others needs to achieve their own dreams and desires.

Marriage is about putting what you want, second to what your partner wants and needs, but still sticking to your core values.

The commitment means that you are not willing to 'give up' when the road gets bumpy. Instead, it means that you want to be there to smooth the ride.

To me, marriage means that you will share the same last name as the children that you create together out of love.

To be honest, I think it is sad, that society now questions marriage due to the perceived affordability, alikening it to 'just a piece of paper' and using excuses like 'we're practically married anyway'.

Let's face it, there's a difference between a marriage and a wedding. For starters, a wedding is one day in your life, marriage should be FOR life. Marriage does not put you out of pocket, nor is it always full of glitz and glamour. 

Marriage doesn't make life any harder, nor any more 'expensive' (although some would say that a happy life is a happy wife and therefore money is concerned), and it certainly doesn't just include a commitment on paper, in fact, many married couples probably wouldn't even know where that 'bit of paper is!' 

And, if marriage is 'outdated' then why are gay couples continuing to fight for this right?

If we take a step back, and take away the bells and whistles of a wedding, the idea that every marriage ends in divorce, and the negativity towards people 'giving up too easily', then I think you could agree that marriage certainly isn't outdated.

Yes there are changing pressures on a marriage. Yes, every marriage is different. But from my experience with close friends and family who have married, every single one of those people without a doubt have entered into marriage 110%, and certainly not thinking about their 'next husband' or how they'll do things differently at their future wedding.

No, these people still believe in marriage, respect the vowels that they promise to their partner, and see the value in marriage; the security, the love, the commitment to another, and the pure joy of starting a new chapter in their life as man and wife, just as someone who was married 100 years ago did.

What do you think? (I'm aware that this is only my opinion, and I'd definitely love to hear yours!!!)

****By the way, I thought that I should add here that I definitely don't 'judge anyone' who chooses not to marry, or who have children outside of wedlock; each to their own, and in today's society, we can make that choice and it is still supported by society.

Do you think marriage is out dated?

Why do you think views have changed so much?

Look after yourself and those around you,

Kirsty xxxx

Moving Home Sweet Home

My partner and I left the big smoke with a population of 1 million to move home to the place where we grew up in with a population of 1,000!

Here all about our big move the anxieties, decisions, worries and joys in a guest post that I have written for ABC Open. Follow the link below :)

https://open.abc.net.au/posts/coming-home-sweet-home-86zi6wh 

Does It Really Exist?

Via

Climate change: another political football kicked back and forth from party to party, with no real general concensus ever formed. Does it exist? Doesn't it exist? How should we reduce our carbon footprints? Carbon taxes? Mining taxes? The list goes on.

Climate what?

Changing climates is a natural phenonemon. Over the past Quaternary (2 million years), the world has been experiencing times of glacial (cold) and anti-glacial (warm) periods. The reason that scientists and geographers are worried, is because in the last 10,000 years (known as the Holocene period), the rate of climate change has been  unprecendated in the past.

What does this mean?

Maybe the simpliest way to describe climate change is to create an image.

Think of a deserted island out in the middle of the sea. The island is home to many ecosystems, including many differnet types of plants and animals. The shape of the island changes over time as the tides and currents erode the sand.

Pirates discover the island and decide that there is enough food, water and shelter for it to be sustainable for human life. They start cutting down trees to build homes, capturing animals in nets to eat, and building fires to cook on. As the pirates become smarter, they start to build roads, and sand traps to maintain the sand on the beach.

Over time the landscape changes. The natural flora and fauna ceases to exist. Introduced species, like parrots, feral dogs and rats start to take over the landscape.

Even though the island would've changed over time without human interference, there's no question that the introduction of human life would've bought about different, and faster rates of change.

The question is, how does this changing landscape with the reduction in the number of trees that turn carbon dioxide into oxygen, the changing tides with the introduction of man made sand traps, and the burning of fuel, affect the climate?

Via

I don't think we can really argue that humans AREN'T having an impact on the environment.

Maybe we should be placing more energy, time, money and resources into practicising ways of reducing our damage to the natural environment, instead of fighting over whether climate change really exists.

There are very simple ways to reduce your individual footprint by recycling, choosing to install solar panels, turning powerpoints off when not in use, using blankets and jumpers in winter instead of the heater, using food scraps to make compost, walking instead of driving eveywhere, picking up your rubbish, planting trees, the list goes on.

Does climate change really exist?

I'll let you decide, but while you're arguing for or against climate change, I'll be taking steps to reduce my impact on the environment, so that my children can enjoy their future.

What do you think about the climate change football? Could we be doing more to reduce our footprints? What could the government be better spending their time, money and resources on instead of fighting for or against climate change?

Look after yourself and those around you,

Kirsty xxx



Your Challenge For Today

Via

Grab life by the balls and give it a good shake up.

You know that call you've been wanting to make to a potential employer looking for your dream role? Well go ahead and make it. What's the worse that can happen? They say no? Well then at least you aren't left wandering what if. 

You know that walk you've been meaning to go for? Well get off your butt and go for that walk. You'll feel a million times better after.

You know that resume you wanted to update? Just chip away at it (or at least open a new or old document and re-read what you've written). Sometimes the hardest part is just starting.

Or you know that new recipe you've wanted to try to jazz up your weekly routine of spag bog and meatballs? Get out a recipe, write down the ingredients you don't have, and go shopping! Your taste buds will love you.

For life's too short to wait for the "right time", or to think too much without action, or to live it full of regrets.

Grab life by the balls and you'll feel empowered, and even if they're a little hairy at times, I promise things will come through clean shaven in the long run!

What's something you've been meaning to do but keep putting off?

Via

Look after yourself and those around you,

Kirsty xxx