A clue... It starts with first and ends in trimester...
Ohhhh that little egg...
So...now that we've answered our spike in curiosity - how on earth do these things combine to create a first trimester experience?
Well...are you ready...I mean, seriously, are you ready to hear about the oh so glamorous side of pregnancy?
Whelp...too bad if you're not because here goes...
There's only one thing that could possess a fully grown female adult cough cough to waltz on in to a town of 20,000 people dressed only in her knickers and bras...yup you heard right...her itty bitty teeny weeny, lacey spotted bikini (underwear), in a car, in a highly populated town...
And the answer is...drum roll... The biggest power chuck you've ever laid eyes upon... Just ask my grandfather...he kindy helped, toothbrush, vacuum cleaner and warm soapy sponge in toe, to remove coco pops from the ceiling, to the vents to window cavaties to the floor of our car...
And wait, just when you thought grandparent duties couldn't stretch any further, out waltzes my grandmother with a towel to wrap me up ohhhh feel the love ohhhh and hold me tighter to take me inside and pick out her most glorious clothes so that I could avoid rocking up to work in my underwear.
So wait lets rewhinde...how was it that I ended up at my grandparents house with a four wheel drive coated heat to tow in a chocolate milkshake only crunchy?
Well, you'd think that i would've learnt after 13 weeks of power chucking to pack a bowl or bucket for my 45 minute commute to work but nooo someone thought surely this must stop soon, she'll be right...
And she was allllright until she came up to a big sweeping bend and felt the all too familiar urge to spew, in which in 2.5 seconds her hand to mouth reaction didn't quite reach and with no where to pull over and no hope insight...a violent spray of coco pops erupted from her mouth spraying the contents of the car with a brown hazy mist...
So what did I do?
Burst into tears of course...then pulled over at the safest opportunity...and sat covered in vomit while I dialed my husbands number in the hope he's offer some words of comfort...
He laughed...loudly...I sobbed...loudly...to hear down the end of the phone "if you don't laugh Kirsty you'll cry!!!"
"Buttttt you haven't seen the inside of the pradooooo!"
Then yes, I had to make the biggest decision of the day, do I turn the car around and head back home coated head to toe in vomit or do I strip off on the side of the road and hope like hell that my grandparents were home to come to my rescue???
And that my friends, is what nudity, buckets and boost juices have in common with my first trimester experience...always carry a bucket in the car, never fear some nudity and well, I can't help but think that the spew would've tasted a whole lot better and made my car smell sweeter if I had of eaten a fruit platter for breakfast and thrown up a boost juice instead...
Before I sign off I must say, if someone had of told me that I would've power chucked for 14 weeks before I fell pregnant then I would've crossed my legs and told my husband to let his spermies swim else where...but the truth is, despite the unpleasantries, pregnancy truly is the greatest blessing..nudity, buckets, boost juices and all!!!
Look after yourself and those around you,
Kirsty xxx
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