I fought for my life

Around this time 4 years ago I was fighting for my life in the intensive care unit at the royal adelaide  hospital after depression almost claimed my last breath.    

What's as equally scary and sad is that I believe every single person suffering from depression would have at least thought about taking their own life in the belief that they were so unhappy and trapped in hell  on earth that they didn't deserve to live anymore.

That's 1 in 5 people at some point in their life or over 4 million Australians.

While my journey since has been to become mentally fit, to truly be happy,  to share my passion with others and to inspire other people to put themselves  first, every now and again I feel compelled to shed light on mental illness, so others can understand why it's so important to take care of your mental health.

I am forever grateful each and every day that I have been given a second chance at life;  and I am determined that I'll continue to grow mentally fit until my time comes to take my last breath.

I don't ask for sympathy, I don't ask for tears, I ask that you think about your happiness and whether there's choices or changes you can make to be happier and healthier because life truly is too short to be unhappy.

Oh baby! The First 6 Weeks.

There's only one thing that could possess a woman to heave herself out of the comforts of a warm toasty bed on a drizzly night, to slip her uggboots on over her onesie and drive around to her parents house at 1130 pm to cook chicken nuggets, in the hope that when they were sizzling hot and ready to devour she still felt like them...

Yup pregnancy.

(And for the record they were the best tasting chicken nuggets that I'd ever eaten!)

My husband and I are working on our next project; baby t and me oh my are we quickly finding out that there's some very fine writing that slips through the radar when reading the blue print for parenthood. 

So here goes, a no holes bared approach to pregnancy as I attempt to enlargen this delicate print so that other oblivious expectant mums, friends of the now crazy hormonal lady, husband's who are working through the challenges of a wife who doesn't really know what she wants and all parties concerned have a little sneak peak into the changes their loved one is experiencing.

1. Read the instructions when taking a pregnancy test. This may seem like an obvious thing to do, but silly me, in all my excitement (after purchasing the test in the nearest regional city because there was NO WAY that I was being seen buying a pregnancy test in my tiny town of 1000 people!), peed on the stick, waiting 2 secs and quickly dismissed it as negative before discarding it in the bin...

Note; you must wait a few minutes for the test result to appear.

Fortunately, I had a light bulb moment and thought oh it might be a good idea to read the instructions and hey presto, luckily I'd saved the pee in the cup and slowly before my eyes I saw a second line appear.

My reaction?

Wait, does it mean one control line will appear and then if you're pregnant a second line will appear? Or is there meant to be one control line and then 2 pregnancy lines?

After 2 more tests (I bought 9!) I started to feel a little giddy and decided to zoom home to break the news to my husband.

2. Now what?

Again, maybe another obvious question but as first time parents we weren't sure what came next after our luminescent urine line on a stick!

Phone a doctor.

I have never felt so nervous in my life. "And what brings you here today?"

"Ummmm I think I might be pregnant!"

(What the hell?  What kind of an answer is that? I think I might be? Wouldn't you know either way? OMG what if I'm not and I just like some overly  energetic sexed up woman who looks like someone who takes a pregnancy test the second the sperm is ejected from the penis and now I just look like a twat? ) Yup, I thought that.

Luckily for me I saved myself from that embarrassment because the Dr concluded that yes, there was in fact a faint second line that had appeared!

3. So when was your last period?

Again, maybe something obvious to take note of when you start trying for a family but little itty bitty silly me usually knows my period is due when it arrives on my doorstep...

Embarrassingly enough I had to think back to events that occurred around the time of my last period to pinpoint the start date....oh yes had sex that weekend, ohhh yes we did haha ohhh nope, all entrances blocked that weekend boo yeah!

Note to self keep a calender for future reference.

4. You can be pregnant before you've even had sex...

Wait what? Okay so not technically...but your due date is calculated from the first day of your last period and not from the date you had sex...So technically your last period could be the 13th of February and you don't conceive until the 27th and by the time you miss a period and take a test you may already be 4-5 weeks pregnant because the date is calculated from the 13th.... With me?

Strange... so yes, when we found out we were already 5 weeks pregnant (seriously this tripped me out for a little bit but you get your head around it).

5. Remaining blissfully naive.

We all have a choice when it comes to pregnancy; reading every book in site to understand the ins and outs, burps and farts,  tenderness, weight gain, ability to smell a fart the minute it leaves the person's anus and all of the wonderful changes to your body,  or remain blissfully naive.

For the first time in my life I've stopped myself from hiring every book in the library, reading pregnancy blogs, liking pages,  downloading all of the recommended apps and asking others about their experiences and comparing my own. Instead, I'm choosing to go with the flow, with the exception of consulting doctor Google for important questions like can I eat prawns on pizza and is Mercy Valley cheese okay to eat while pregnant?

I just don't want to freak out and stress over every little thing.

The choice is mine, and we all make our own so that we can cope and understand the changes to our bodies and lives.

But blissfully unaware seems to be working for now...

Anyhoo that seems to be the stand out points for the first 6 weeks (I'm currently 9 weeks while writing this) and boy oh boy do I have some juicy stories to tell in my next oh baby blog post.

Above all I have to say that I'm grateful for the experience because I know that not everyone gets the chance to have a biological child and that is something that I affirm to myself every day when I had my head in a bucket.... haha

Look after yourself and those around you,

Kirsty xxx

Why I'll Never Choose to Work Full Time Again

What I really wanted was more time.

I was forever saying "there's never enough hours in a day", "there has to be more to life than this!"

This being rolling out of bed blurry eyed to the sound of my alarm clock that came all too quickly, grumbling good morning to my husband, running on auto pilot during my forever rushed morning routine because I could never bring myself to set my alarm 15 minutes earlier to be more organized.

Jumping in my car and rushing to work with toast still in my mouth,  feeling disheveled already! 

Then walking into the office forcing a big smile on my face while turning on my time to be professional, life's full of rainbows, time to leave behind my personal troubles, bright and bubbly customer service face for the day.

Of course, when lunch breaks came around it was my time to shine while I crammed in a papsmear at the doctors, filled a script at the chemist and grabbed some food to fill our bear cupboards, all which could only be done during this precious hour of "chaos" so I could appear somewhat organized and functional in my life that existed outside of work.

Then back to work to finish off the afternoon shift before jumping in my car, needing match sticks to keep my eyes open, and traveling the 40 minute commute home before barging in the door and having a go at my husband for not having anything out for tea!

Oh yes, the fights we'd have over the silliest of things because we were both exhausted from our days and now, had to somewhere pull energy out of our empty tanks to try and muster up a conversation that you know, keeps your marriage intact while chopping vegies,  defrosting meat and cooking a feast at 630pm (on the nights we had home) or running in the door as your husband is running out to football practice while your scramble together your things so you can attempt to keep fit, be involved and have it all!

So yes, I decided that enough was enough.

I wanted to enjoy Christmas shopping, instead of spending my lunch times huffing and puffing about there being no parks, and I only have an hour and now there's only 40 minutes left and the queues are always so long and omg the bow was right the first time on the gift wrapping.

I wanted to potter while doing the shopping, instead of flying in the door 5 minutes before closing time to grab another 2 minute meal deal!

I wanted to have time to prepare and cook yummy meals that were nutritious, authentic and out of the ordinary instead of our usual spag bog!

I wanted to be able to serve my husband, and to have a clean house and delicious smelling meal on the table when he came home instead walking into a bomb sitte and coming home to tornado kirsty!

I wanted to be able to breath.

I wanted to be able to enjoy my weekends instead of spending one of the precious two days off preparing for the working week ahead.

I wanted more time.

I knew that I couldn't literally create more hours in the day, so instead, I chose, after careful discussions with my hubby,  to drop a day of work so that I could do all of the things that I felt like I was missing out on.

And you know what? It was one of the best choices that I have ever made.

1 whole extra day in my week.

And yup, I chose for that day to be Monday.

Just typing that sentence helps me to un whine from the early madness of my blog post (and former life!)

One whole day makes the BIGGEST difference.

I can spend my whole weekends doing "fun stuff" with my husband and friends, while knowing that the washing and house cleaning can wait until Monday.

I can potter down the deserted aisles of my local IGA, taking my time to pick the juciest smelling rock melon.

I have the luxury of reading the backs of packets for new recipes and going back down aisles already traveled to grab things I'd missed or needed to bring the creation to life.

I can go on lunch dates to the local bakery with my friends which I could never do before because I was never in my town during opening hours (I worked 40 minutes away in another town!)

I have time to sink my teeth into a good novel.

The rest of my week goes by quickly because there's only 4 days to get through before I have 3 off!

I feel organised; with washing folded and put away (not left In laundry baskets).

I can breath.

Of course, there were sacrifices that I chose to make.

Less work = less pay which meant that we'd have to tighten our budget a little, maybe the renovations wouldn't be done as quickly, perhaps I'd have to go without things. ..but what I've actually found is that we're saving more money because I'm using a day less of diesel to and from work, I have more time to cook meals with leftovers so that we can pack our lunch every day and we  eat out less at night time because our meals are planned ahead.

"Well you're lucky that you have that choice" I hear you say?"

"My job would never allow me!"

"But I have a mortgage to pay!"

All valid points, but we have a choice whether we discuss the option with our boss or not.

We have the choice whether we quit our jobs and find ones that are part time (as I did).

We have a choice to sell our expensive houses and reduce our mortgages so that it's an option.

We have a choice to go without certain things so that we can make it happen.

I believe that if it's something you really really want, then you'll find a way to make it all work.

I'm a big believer in questioning things just because we're told we have to or because it's the norm!

I'm a big believer in looking after our health and happiness and grabbing life by the balls.

I'm a big believer that money doesn't equal happiness.

And that is why I choose to work part time (even before kids!); because I really, really wanted more time.

Btw, there is more to life then "this".

Look after yourself and those around you,

Kirsty xxx