Unspoken Conversations are the topics that are often swept under the carpet, whispered amongst the closest of friends and bitched about by many. I want to create awareness about difficult things that people face in life; grief, mental health, money, illnesses, family troubles, relationship difficulties and putting yourself first. I want to tell the truth about things that really matter.

Monday, 10 February 2014

Dealing with Grief - Have you Ever Thought to Write a Letter?

Grief is such a heavy, devouring emotion that takes time to accept that the person's time on Earth has come to an end. Everyone deals with grief differently. It was wonderful to hear about how Simone's friends were working through their grief and hopefully their idea might help someone else out there going through a difficult time after losing someone they care about.  I never knew Simone - but I remember hearing of her passing and thinking about how heartbreaking it must be for those around her. You could tell from the photos that she was a beautiful person both on the inside and outside, and she had found a sport that truly bought her happiness and had a daughter who she loved so deeply.

Thank you to Elise for sharing your story so bravely - what a beautiful way to remember your dear friend.


The realisation of Simone's death took some hours to sink in. It all hit home when I began remembering back to the last time we spoke, my favourite memories of her and the times we spent together - dressing up, singing, playing games, sleepovers and birthday parties. 

A short time after her death, Simone's closest friends received a email from Ebony, with the idea of writing a letter to Simone's daughter Kodah for her to read as she grows up. It would be our way to share our memories of Simone with Kodah, so that she would keep a clear vision of her mum, and the beautiful person that she was, forever in her mind. I wanted to share my letter with other people to tell them about Simone and what an amazing person she was. 

So, here is my 'letter to Kodah' 


Forever in my thoughts and never to be forgotten SM, CF and KM xxx

A letter to Kodah

Two beautiful girls; Elise and Simone

Kodah, I have so many memories of your wonderful mum and I have no idea of where to start! All I know is that every time I look to the night sky, I can see her glowing star looking down on us all. She was an amazing friend – so thoughtful and compassionate. I think why we got on so well was because we were so much alike and as silly as each other most of the time!

“You will look back on the times you laughed and you will cry. You will look back on the times you cried, and you will laugh. You will always remember close friends, and you will always keep memories of them in your heart.”

Even though we never saw a lot of each other in her last few years, it still felt like old times when we caught up! Most of our conversations were about the mischief we would get up to when we were younger. At the Chilpanunda farm ‘Wallaby Hill’ we would regularly have dancing and singing competitions with Kelly and Brooke to ‘Roxette’ and only Roxette – no other music was allowed! We would quickly get sick of Roxette, find another cassette tape player and blare our own music singing ‘Hey Mona.’ This was no doubt our favourite song of all time, I was just so disappointed ‘Fur Elise’ didn’t have lyrics! Every Sunday we would all go to Pony Club. I never even had a horse but we would be there anyway! Melissa was usually there too but we would spend more time building cubby houses in the scrub. I think our Dad’s (Greg and Pop) just saw it as another excuse to have a chin wag and a beer together and Sunday morning Pony Club’s would often turn into Sunday afternoon and evening Pony Club!

Simone and her beautiful daughter Kodah

As I write you this letter, I am laughing about the funny memories of times we had together as youngsters but at the same time I am crying because I realise that we won’t be able to make any more memories together or talk about them even more. The last time I saw your mum was at Travis & Kelly’s wedding and when I was living in Northern Territory before that. You were just a very little girl! It was when you were and mum were living at the Caravan Park with Nana and Pop. She was so happy to have moved to Darwin to start riding again and to have Pop and Nana close by to look after you when she was working.

Your mum was so gullible! She would believe any story you told her! Actually we were probably as gullible as each other and would play tricks on each other quite often. We would both say things without thinking first. At times, we were the laughing stock of the cousins and friends. I still often have a ‘Simone moment’ as we have come to call them! I’m not sure that she made jokes on purpose; they just seemed to be accidental ‘blonde’ moments!

I actually can’t believe how much you are like your mum to look at – you are just a spitting image! Your ‘show no teeth’ smile, dark eyes, eyebrows and hair. I think you might be a little cheekier than your mum was though!

Isn't Simone just absolutely stunning!

“Simone is a girl who is fun to be around and talk to and has a good sense of humour and loves to make jokes. She can be quiet sometimes but it doesn’t mean she isn’t up for having fun. She is practically the best person in the world.”

I probably spent the most time with your mum when Pop, Nana and the girls moved to Port Lincoln. My family had moved to Cummins not long after that, so it was nice to head down to Lincoln after school on Fridays to catch up with Simone and your aunties. Simone and I were always fashion stylists and we would dress up Luke and Mardi. Kelly would just hassle us to play the ‘Sale of the Century’ board game with her! Ebony was also living in Port Lincoln at this time, so our Saturday nights or Sunday drives often ended up resulting in a catch up with the Feltus and Mont Families.

We also had a lot more fun times when they all moved to Ungarra. We were at their Ungarra farmhouse one Sunday, and Pop had just put up some electric fences for his racehorses.  Simone told me the electric fence wasn’t turned on, and of course I believed her! As I climbed through the fence to pat the horse, the fence zapped me on my hands when I grabbed it and then on the inside of my leg! She laughed the hardest I think I can ever remember her laughing. Since then I have always been extra careful around fences, especially electric ones!
A family adventure down the River Murray as kids.

A favourite memory of mine was when we went on a houseboat along the River Murray, from Morgan to Waikerie. I was 18 so Simone would have been about 16. Then there was Dillon (15), Mardi (14) Luke (14) and Cameron (12) and all of our parents – Jeff, Rosalie, Greg, Debbie, Peter and Lee-Anne. You will have to ask Nana and Pop to show you some photos. They will have a story or two to tell you about this holiday I am sure!

Kodah, your mum will never be forgotten - a life taken too soon, a tragedy that we could have never predicted happening. She will always be your beautiful, caring and loving mum. She was compassionate, considerate and a loyal friend to all. I loved growing up with your mum. She was a breath of fresh air; a joy to be around. I hope to see many of her qualities in you as you grow up into an amazing young lady. There’s a song that says ‘Only the good die young’. If we were changing the words to suit your mum it would have to say ‘Only the extraordinary die young’!

Elise xx

Friends are like stars, they come and go.
                But the ones that stay are the ones that glow!

Simone always had a great passion for horses.

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