Unspoken Conversations are the topics that are often swept under the carpet, whispered amongst the closest of friends and bitched about by many. I want to create awareness about difficult things that people face in life; grief, mental health, money, illnesses, family troubles, relationship difficulties and putting yourself first. I want to tell the truth about things that really matter.

Monday, 10 February 2014

Missing the Person You Live With


Nothing confirms just how crazy busy life gets when you miss the person you live with.

Between full time work,  creating some kind of fitness routine,  playing sport, secret mens business,  girly date nights,  family dinners,  knock off beverages, sporting commitments,  committee meetings,  odd jobs helping others and travelling to and fro from destination to destination, sometimes the first time you get to chat with your partner for the day is when you flop into bed and by that time you're counting how many hours sleep you'll have to be able repeat the routine again tomorrow and you feel like you'll snap, burst into tears, or explode if you have to exert any more energy!

Not to mention rumpy pumpy - heck - if you don't have the time and energy to talk - how are you meant to vanish your clothes and play hanky panky under the sheets?

No talking - no sex - no happiness? 

Over a long period of time you can see how couples "drift apart"and "lose their flame".

Think back to when you first started dating and how sickly inseparable you were because you just couldn't get enough of one another.

What has changed? 

I'm sure it's not that you love the person any less, it's just that over time, and probably without you even knowing, other events and people have started using up your energy, and while you'd love to get home and chat, laugh and release some pent up stress on the workbench, you find yourself totally and utterly exhausted and comfortable with saying goodnight and rolling over to bunch out some z's. 


How is it that life has become so busy that you can almost live life simultaneously under the same roof? 

Why is it now that we feel compelled to fill not only our weekends, but also our week nights with events, meetings and commitments outside of the house which prevent us from spending good old quality couch time with our partners?

How are you meant to maintain a home, career, fitness and your relationships while still leaving time for yourself?


Do we try to do too much?

Are we wasting precious quality time with loved ones when we're connecting with the virtual world?

Are we so exhausted from life that when we finally arrive home we re too tired for conversation with our partner?

How can we slow down our lives?

This is something that I struggle with on a daily basis.

I feel happy, content and relaxed when I have spent enough quality time with my husband. It doesn't matter if we're not crazy balls of energy when we're around each other, I just like being near him, even just if it's sitting next to each other while we watch tv.

Even the monotonousness questions like how was your day become special, and my life feels much more balanced when we're on the same page because we've had the opportunity to chat about our crazy ideas, thoughts and emotions.

And nothing beats having FUN with your partner, laughing and creating new memories!

I hate when we get to a Sunday night and I'm like "hello stranger, how has your week been?"

There's nothing worse then finding out something about your partner because you've been too busy to ask a simple "how are you?"or "what have you been up to?"

Am I alone in feeling this way?

Do you struggle with the lack of quality time that you spend with your partner?

Sometimes our partners happen to come last, because let's face it, we believe that they will always be there, but the truth is, we need to invest as much, if not more time, love and energy into our relationship with them than with anyone else - for your own life is grounded and based on our ability to communicate and work as a team.

You don't want to end up losing the thing you valued the most because you neglected their needs and to hear their voice because it was shut out and clouded by the other conversations and commitments in your life.

It's a horrible feeling when you say to friends that you just want to spend time with your partner and they're like "but you live with them - aren't you sick of them?" That's when you have verbal diarrhoea explaining how busy your life is and how you rarely find time to spend together. 

So along the way, my partner and I have introduced a couple little tools to spend more time together.


So what are some tips and tricks that I have found along the way that help to create quality time with my partner?

With both partners often working full time it is difficult to have energy for everything else.  Full time work is exhausting plus the time commuting to and from work.  Should we be making better use of our lunch breaks for exercising so that by the time we arrive home we've worked,  exercised and then we can unwhinde?

Date nights are great for scheduling in time together outside of the distractions of the house and to be able to enjoy each others company and to let the conversation flow.

Having an outside area and table is also fabulous to avoid plonking yourselves in front of the TV with your stable table carefully balanced on your knee as you devour your meal while engrossed in the effortless task of watching TV.

Banning technology inside of the bedroom or for an hour a night can allow your attention to remain in the moment with your partner to see how their day was.

Being mindful of creating the time and giving your full attention to your partner also makes them feel loved and special.

If you have tasks to complete like writing up the minutes from a meeting or paying bills or writing a blog post then sitting side by side in the same room touching can give you the essence of closeness without actually engaging with each other.

We are by far, no where near pros at spending quality time together. Infact, people have been asking how the "honeymoon period"is going since we've only been married for 4 months and I almost feel like we're too worn out and overcommitted to other projects to spend good old quality time together.

Thank god for our honeymoon - that's all I can say!

Your partner and their happiness should come first.

If you are worried about the amount of time you have been spending together then maybe it's time to look at your plates and see what you can take off, so that your partner gets a larger serving of the pie!

Do you have any helpful tips that can help others who have lost their "flame"or are struggling to fit each other into their calenders?

Look after yourself and those around you,

Kirsty xxxx

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