Unspoken Conversations are the topics that are often swept under the carpet, whispered amongst the closest of friends and bitched about by many. I want to create awareness about difficult things that people face in life; grief, mental health, money, illnesses, family troubles, relationship difficulties and putting yourself first. I want to tell the truth about things that really matter.

Thursday, 7 March 2013

Carrying the Cells, but Miscarrying the Baby.

Today I welcome one of my best friends to my blog. I'm so proud of her strength and courage to speak out about a topic that none of us ever think we'll experience: miscarrying a baby. Take it away Mel.
I used to think... finding the right partner, getting married and having a family is just how life panned out.
Now I know... that sometimes it's not that simple.
The only thing that I have ever been certain of is that I always wanted to be a mum. My partner and I fell pregnant with our first baby when I was 24. It only took 4 months to conceive. I was scared, but my partner was excited. All was going well, until I was 26 weeks and 3 days pregnant, when I started having contractions. I was taken to the hospital where our baby boy was born, weighing 950gms.
One year on, we decided that it was time to start trying for our next baby. After trying for a year, we fell pregnant. I was around 4 weeks when we found out the exciting news. A week later, I experienced some bleeding, and went straight to the doctors. I didn't have any stomach cramps, or any other signs, but I knew that it was odd to be experiencing this. I had a blood test taken to check my HCG levels (your pregnancy hormones). The test showed that I was pregnant. I was asked to come back and take the same test again in a couple of days. The results showed that my HCG levels had dropped, indicating that I was miscarrying.
I lost the foetus.
After women start bleeding when pregnant, even if they aren't miscarrying, they have to have an anti-d injection. The reason I had to have this injection is because my partners blood type is A+ and my blood type is A-. Therefore, if the baby that I am carrying, was A+, then my body would see it as an ""impostor" and would create antibodies to "kill" the foreign cells. The injection (which is made up of different blood types), stops my body from trying to destroy the growing cells forming into a foetus.
7 weeks passed, and we decided to start trying again. I found out that I was pregnant at 5 weeks. This time I was a little bit more weary because I was worried that I might miscarry again. A few days later I started experiencing pain in my stomach and I started bleeding. I knew what was happening so I didn't go to the doctor straight away. I went to the doctor about a week after, just to confirm my suspicions and to have another anti-d injection.
I lost the foetus.
My partner and I decided to have some tests taken to see if we could find the cause for the miscarriages. I had to have 12 tubes of blood taken to test for all sorts of different causes. My partner also had to have a blood test. His came back okay, but mine showed that I was lacking Folic Acid.
The doctor encouraged me to take 5mg of Folic Acid daily, while trying to become pregnant.
Two and a half months later I fell pregnant again. My first ultrasound showed that I was around 5 weeks. My second ultrasound showed the same results as the first. This was two weeks later. I had formed the sack, but there was no foetus growing inside.
I had the choice of having a D & C (dilation and curettage - where you open up the cervix and empty the contents of the uterus), or waiting for the sack to pass naturally.
This was definitely the worst experience for me. Two weeks later, it passed.
The hardest part... is when people ask "when are you going to have another one?"  At the start, I couldn't bring myself to tell the truth. Now, I will say that we've been trying, but we're having a little bit of trouble.
The best advice to others... I would tell others in the same situation as me (and I say me and not us because my partner and I deal with it very differently), is  that it's never easy miscarrying a child. Try not to listen to what some people say, and let yourself grieve. You'll probably find that you blame yourself, well I did anyway for the first couple of weeks.  
For everyone else, let the person know that you are there for them, but just try and be careful of what you say. Things that don't help include:
"You're lucky that you've got one"
"Be grateful with what you've got"
 "It's about time you started trying for another one"
"It happens for a reason" - can be a difficult one to digest.
The most important thing to just be there for the person, and listen if they open up about it.
Mel xxxx
I would tell others...


Cycles of a Train Wreck said...

Thank you Mel for sharing your story! It's never easy having a miscarriage. I have had 2 myself. 1 before dd (3.5 years old) and one last year. The excitement of finding out your pregnant can be overcome with fear of a miscarriage. For me personally, I have put trying for another baby on the back burner but I am open to whatever will be. Keep fighting, you'll make it through! - Jess

Jess Frost said...

Thank you for sharing your story. It's so hard that women hardly talk about it (obviously because of the pain) because unfortunately it's SO common and so many women going through it feel alone. I pray you will have success soon.

I've been trying to fall pregnant for 2 years now and discovered this Dr the other day that works specifically in recurrent miscarriage and immunology issues effecting infertility. I thought you might be interested in look at his website. http://www.preventmiscarriage.com/About-Us.aspx he's in the USA but i'm having a phone consultation with him. Praying for you!

April burrows said...

Great story Mel. I have had 3 miscarriages, lost two Inbetween my two girls and one after. I am O neg blood type so I also have had plenty of anti D injections. Hope it happens for you soon xo