Unspoken Conversations are the topics that are often swept under the carpet, whispered amongst the closest of friends and bitched about by many. I want to create awareness about difficult things that people face in life; grief, mental health, money, illnesses, family troubles, relationship difficulties and putting yourself first. I want to tell the truth about things that really matter.

Wednesday, 6 March 2013

Loving To Care, Caring for Someone You Love

Mick carried me when I could no longer carry myself.

At some stage in life most people will make the vowel to love another person in sickness and health. Fortunately for many of these people, up until this point, they would have never had to truly provide care for the person whom they care for.

I'm not talking the kind of care when you race down the street and buy Aloe Vera scented tissues, Eucalyptus smelling chest rub, and turn your blind eye to the snot bubbles and Rudolph nose that has appeared on your partners face.

I'm talking about the energy devouring, selfless act of caring for someone 24/7 while putting your own aspirations and life on hold to devote yourself to aiding your loved one back to health, or to least to make them feel comfortable.

Luckily for me, and yes, I see it now as lucky, that my partner and I have been through one of these such times.

Two years ago I suffered from major depression; I had practically 'given up' on life. My body was sapped of energy as my mind went into overdrive and filled my head with ruminating thoughts of negativity.

I couldn't get out of bed. I'd toss and turn in the darkness of my room, wanting it all to end.

But my partner did not give up on me.

He could see past my actions to my illness, and knew that with time, the right help and medication, that I would return to my full of energy, life loving, optimistic self.

Let me tell you now that my partner is one of the most laid back, chilled out people that you will ever meet; nothing usually phases him.

Well this phased him. 

Even when everyone around me was breaking down, he stood strong, not only for me, but for everyone else.

It was him who would work full time, come home, pull me out of bed, help me into and out of the bath, cook tea and make sure I'd eat, sit and cuddle me for hours on end without a word being said, listen to me babble on about how horrible I was feeling, and, on top of all of this, we were buying a house, so he was signing papers, packing up our old house and moving into our new one.

He'd take days off of work to drive me to appointments, even having to make them at times. He'd bring flowers to me in the hospital and magazines, games, and books too.

And no matter how exhausted he was, we'd walk aimlessly together at night time around the neighbourhood just to get me out of the house and into the fresh air.

Mick saw me at my absolute worst.

He saw me when I'd lay in a heap on the floor with my towel wrapped around me bawling my eyes out.

He saw me when I'd lash out and swear and curse about how unfair it was to be feeling that way.

He believed in me when I had lost belief in myself.

The brave face that I had smiling back at me.

Only once do I remember Mick crying, and that's when I'd be in and out of hospital for 6 weeks and he just didn't know what to do anymore.

Luckily for me my medication was starting to balance out the Serotonin in my brain, bringing back my fight not flight response, and it triggered something inside of me; I knew it was up to me to continue the battle and return to health, if only for Mick.

I swear at times it would've been easy for my partner to hit that highway running. I know that one of his workmates at the time (who'd cowardly left his wife for the same thing), told Mick to pack his bags, but instead of packing his bags, he asked me to marry him when I was all better.

While I still become upset when I think back to those times, and what I put him through, I know that if the same thing happened to Mick that I would be there for him too.

I have now learnt that sometimes, when the other person struggles to love themself, and even you, that they are the times when you have to put 200% of your time, energy and love into your relationship, for that's what loving to care, caring for someone you love is all about.

That is why you say the words in sickness and health.

There are people all over the world who become carers to their loved ones, and I admire and respect these people so incredibly much, for it is exhausting, frustrating and difficult, but it also shows up most courage, love and admiration for another human being.

So please, don't forget to ask the partners, friends and family of people who are going through a difficult time how they are doing too, for they might just be the ones who need some TLC and a shoulder to lean on.

Look after yourself and those around you,

Kirsty xxx

Did you know that " 720,000 South Australians provide unpaid care and support to a family member or friend who needs help because of an illness, disability or frail age?" (http://carers-sa.asn.au/facts) Click on the logo below for more information.

Carers South Australia : Supporting family carers


1 comment:

Jess Frost said...

beautiful post! it means so much to have someone like that in your life, I feel blessed every day that I am :)