Unspoken Conversations are the topics that are often swept under the carpet, whispered amongst the closest of friends and bitched about by many. I want to create awareness about difficult things that people face in life; grief, mental health, money, illnesses, family troubles, relationship difficulties and putting yourself first. I want to tell the truth about things that really matter.

Tuesday, 30 April 2013

Don't Tell the Guests

Without a doubt, the hardest decision that we have had to make in planning our big day is who to ask to be in our bridal party.

From talking with others who have been married, we certainly aren't the only ones!!!

For some, the decision is easy; they either end up opting for their brothers and sisters or they have a particularly close set of friends who they've always known, and everyone has always known, will be chosen.

For others, particularly with large friendship groups, with close friends and family, or with friends from different stages in their life, the decision is a lot harder.

Just how do you pick?

Do you take the term literally and think about who would serve you best as your maid on the day?

Do you chose just one friend out of a group, or the whole group, or none in the group at all?

And how do you tell the people who you haven't picked, without crushing them or making them feel any less special to you?

Is giving those who aren't picked another special role a 'cop out?' Will they be grateful or still disappointed?

How many is 'socially acceptable'? 3? 4? 10?

Do you have to repay the favour and have people in your wedding who had you in theirs?

Ohhh and then, once you've decided who will be in your wedding, you have to think about a best man and maid of honour. To be honest, I just couldn't decide....so I'm not having one. Mick has chosen a best man, who will do the best man duties, like embarrassing him during his speech and creating a I-don't-even-want-to-think-about-it-crazy-bucks-show!!! But me, I'm just keeping my group of maids (giggle).

I remember at one stage telling my father in law that we weren't going to have any because the decision was just too hard. He told me that deep down I knew who I wanted, and that I'd regret not having any.

My partner asked me why it was so hard to decide? What was worrying me? And if it was that I couldn't decide between a certain number of girls, then why not just have them all?

Why should we limit the number of people who we truly wanted because of what others might think? After all, it is our day, and therefore we get to choose what we want.

I think it was so hard to decide because in my eyes, it is only one day of your life, and I didn't want to threaten friendships or hurt anyone, for one day.

I guess I had to change my mentally and just hope that people would respect my decision and that picking and choosing bridesmaids did not mean that those who weren't, weren't any less or more loved.

So how do people choose?

Sometimes it comes down to a number of different reasons, like how easy it is to have dress fittings, who has physically been closest to you at the time, who you have known the longest, who has been closest to you in the years leading up to the wedding, whose wedding you have been in, the number of people your partner picks, who you can picture in your future, who has made the effort to get to know your partner and whether you choose to have friends or family or both.

Mick and I have decided to go completely unconventional and have different numbers of people in our bridal party. Mick is having 5, and wait for it, I'm having 8. Yes, 8. I know, ridiculous, crazy, OMG I don't even know that many people, 8. But I just couldn't decide on any less because each and every one of the girls are super special to me, and all for different reasons.

We're going to do a couple of things differently, like the girls are going to walk down the aisle 2 by 2 holding hands, and Mick and I are going to sit on the bridal table by ourselves so that we can enjoy some quality time together and so that the bridal party can go back and sit with their partners.

So drum roll...I'm going to introduce my bridesmaids!!!

As you are about to see, each and every one of my girls are absolutely gorgeous...so yes, I am considering making a paper bag over their head a compulsory accessory for the special day. I don't think they quite know what they've gotten themselves into when they said yes to being my maid, because damn straight I'm taking it literally (look our bridezilla)! Just tricking, well....sort of! I am expecting massages, and not having to do anything but rock up and look beautiful on the day hahaha.


I've chosen 4 of my school friends, who I have known all of my life, and who I've been through university, my adult life, my depression and well, everything with. We share a special bond that I know will last forever, no matter where our life takes us. It's crazy to think that two of the girls and I were born in the same hospital, in the same week, in the same year and have gone all the way through life so far together. 

I have also chosen a great friend from university, who I was lucky enough to stand beside on her wedding day. I truly feel like I have known her my whole life. We've travelled together, partied together, lived together and cried together.
We first met outside of a gender studies lecture and bonded because she felt ill just talking about abortions. She warned me not to go inside if I was also weak at the knees with icky things, so I took her advice and comforted her instead!!! Since then we've carved up many dance floors to the tune of 90s music, road tripped, travelled, laughed and cried together!!!

Another is a girl who I met through my netball club. I've known her for 6 years now and we just clicked right away. We've also lived, worked, travelled and partied together. I had honour of standing beside her on her special day. She truly is something special, and has the kindest heart. AND, as I found, you can't let looks fool you (I thought she was a snob because she was gorgeous hahaha), she truly is beautiful on the inside and out (and actually a real goofy goober!)

My lucky last friend is a girl who I've known since school, but only really gotten to know when we both moved to Adelaide, and travelled through Europe together for 6 weeks. We formed a group called the awesome foursome during our uni days, and spent many a nights staying at one particular venue that played 90s music until it closed. This girl has been a huge part of my life, and I know we'll always be friends and will always laugh at our memories while travelling.

And then, of course, there is my sister. To be honest, I wasn't sure about having my sister in the wedding because Mick wasn't having any of his brothers; to us our family already played a special part in the day because well, they are family. But after moving home, and becoming even closer to my sister, I realised that I couldn't imagine not having her there with me during those special moments. I remembered just how special it was to spend the night before her wedding, laying in bed chatting and giggling with her after a pampering session and I knew I wanted to share the night before and morning with her too!

I'm not going to personally introduce each of Mick's groomsmen, but he's having 3 great friends from school, an old house mate who he shared his bachelor days with before we moved in together and a legend who he met in Adelaide.

So there you have it, the decision has been made and we're super excited.

As for our other close friends, we're finding special roles for them too.

How did you choose your wedding party?

Any tips and tricks for others?

I guess the thing I learnt is to hell with tradition and what others may think, you have to go with what you want.

Look after yourself and those around you,

Kirsty xxx

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