Unspoken Conversations are the topics that are often swept under the carpet, whispered amongst the closest of friends and bitched about by many. I want to create awareness about difficult things that people face in life; grief, mental health, money, illnesses, family troubles, relationship difficulties and putting yourself first. I want to tell the truth about things that really matter.

Sunday, 28 April 2013

What are your unspoken rules?

Is this one of your unspoken rules? Via

What the hell do I mean about an unspoken rule?
They're rules that we *live by*, whether we are aware of it or not! Yup, that's right, either subconsciously or consciously, each and everyone of us has created little mantras and rules in our brain that we use each and everyday to make decisions.
These rules were only recently bought to my attention by Gretchin Rubin, the writer of the Happiness Project (which by the way, is a MUST read!).
A couple of her rules are:
'My children are my number one priority.'
'I know as much as other people know.'
'Never eat hours d'oeuvres, and never eat anything at a children's party.'
Obviously everyone's 'rules' are going to be different but it got me thinking about mine.
What rules had I made up, that I probably hadn't even given a second thought to, that I follow in my day to day life?
Do I even have 'rules?'
I was amazed at just how many I had once I started thinking about it.
Before long, my list was as long as my arm!!! 
Here's a sample of some of the "rules" that I have created for myself over the years.

My health is the most important thing to me.
It's okay to say no.
Try to exercise every week.
Try to blog daily.
Don't let dollars and cents control my decisions.
Don't forget important dates, like birthdays.
Call friends on important dates, and not just text or Facebook.
Never blog because I feel like I have to.
Always try to give people the benefit of the doubt.
Eat out once a week.
Have a date night once a week.
Eat tea at the table at least once a week with no TV.
Be kind to myself.
Try to make healthy choices.
Love myself.
Keep the house clean and tidy.
It's okay to fail.
Never stay inside of my comfort zone.

These of course, are just a few!
Do you have any the same as me?

What unspoken rules do you tell yourself?

Why do I think that it's a useful task to think about your "rules"?
To become more mindful. As Gretchin says 'part of the challenge of mindfulness was to keep myself from falling into mechanical thoughts and actions. Instead of walking through life on autopilot, I wanted to question the assumptions I made without noticing' (page 240).
Once you are aware of your 'unspoken rules', then you'll know what you use to make decisions and to set your priorities.

It might even help you to identify what unhelpful thoughts and rules you may have, and even question why you think those things.
So, what's on your list?

Look after yourself and those around you,

Kirsty xxxx

Look after yourself and those around you,
Kirsty xxxx

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