Unspoken Conversations are the topics that are often swept under the carpet, whispered amongst the closest of friends and bitched about by many. I want to create awareness about difficult things that people face in life; grief, mental health, money, illnesses, family troubles, relationship difficulties and putting yourself first. I want to tell the truth about things that really matter.

Monday, 11 June 2012

From “in a relationship” to “engaged”. What it means to me.

He asked and I said “yes!” Now I have my very own blingy bling. What I didn’t realise was just how much it would change my perspective on things, how I related to my family and how it changed my love for my partner.

Our story

My partner and I had been together eight years before he popped the question. “About bloody time” I hear you say. “Always the bridesmaid never the bride” I hear others say. “When’s he going to make you an honest woman?” one particular grandparent would say.

You see, we’d been bombarded with these questions for as long as I can remember. I understand why. Eight years is a long time. However, as my father in law says, “there’s only two people who know what goes on in a relationship, and that’s the two people in it”. How true.

We were never at a point in our relationship to make that commitment to each other before January the 7th 2012. We’d been dating since school. We survived four difficult years of long distance where we’d see each other once a month (with football and netball commitments, the price of flights and the distance between us…roughly a 7 hour drive!). My partner moved to Adelaide in 2010. It was a HUGE change for him. He’d grown up in a small country town surrounded by his family and friends. He had a great job, was active in the football club, and owned a house there.

After six years together, the poor guy went from being a full blown bachelor to moving in with not one, but three girls. That same year we went on our first big trip as a couple to South East Asia. It was amazing. Not only could we learn to live together without killing each other, but we also enjoyed travelling the globe, meeting new people, drinking copious amounts of cocktails and experiencing new cultures.

In 2011 we bought our first house together. It was the first big financial commitment that we made with both of our names on it. So yes, we started the joys of sharing a bank account. I guess at this point most people would say, well you’ve been together 7 years now, you’ve travelled together, bought a house, you live together, a ring really isn’t going to change much. And they were right...to a degree.

 It wasn’t long after this that I started to feel “ready” for Mick to pop the question. I found myself loitering around jewelry stores, grabbing for the jewelry catalogues in the mail, getting butterflies at the thought of my partner proposing and feeling ready to take that next step in our relationship and to fully commit myself to him.

Luckily I didn’t have to wait long (as my subtle hints weren’t coming across as so subtle anymore). He proposed to me in Cairns, on one knee, in the shallow water, and surprised me with a picnic lunch, a bottle of champers (that wasn’t Passion Pop) and a nights accommodation in a tree top bungalow over the rain forest.

I still remember how nervous and excited we both were. We were ENGAGED! We couldn’t help but giggle and we couldn’t wipe the grins from our faces.

How things "changed".

Something had changed inside of me. I started seeing his family as my family, which, I always had to a degree, but now his Dad was my father in law, and his bothers I mean brothers, mine too. Being engaged brings two families together.

I felt an inner peace that is hard to describe. I knew that no matter what life throws at us, death, illness, job loss, children, house loans, money troubles, overseas trips, retirement, that I would share it with Mick. That he’d be there, no matter what.

I felt as though I was totally accepted for all dimensions of my personality. I was loved despite my whinging, my grumpy outbursts when I’m tired and exhausted from work, my rants about things that were bothering me and my aches and pains. My partner wanted to spend the rest of his life with me, and all of me. Not just the happy me.

Everything was ours. It was no longer my money and your money. It was our money. Our future. Our dreams. Our goals. That’s not to say that we’ve lost our independence. Nor have we given up on our own personal goals. We support each other, but we always work towards things together.

We started talking about things further in to the future past what’s going on, on the weekend. Things like our future investments, moving back to the country, children, our wedding and much more.

I can honestly say that it’s the happiest I’ve ever been. On the shit days, the days when nothing seems to go my way, I look at my ring and it puts things in to perspective. I have found the person who I want to spend the rest of my life with.

To me, getting engaged does change things. Change in a positive way. Becoming engaged is far more than the exchange of a pretty ring. To me, it’s exchanging your dreams, your life and your heart forever with someone you truly care about.

How do you feel about engagement? If you are engaged, did you feel any different? Has it changed your perspective on things?

I'd love to hear what you have to say!

Look after yourself and those around you,

Kirsty xxxx

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