Unspoken Conversations are the topics that are often swept under the carpet, whispered amongst the closest of friends and bitched about by many. I want to create awareness about difficult things that people face in life; grief, mental health, money, illnesses, family troubles, relationship difficulties and putting yourself first. I want to tell the truth about things that really matter.

Tuesday, 3 June 2014

When the Going Gets Tough

One of the hardest things in life is seeing those closest to you face an incredibly difficult personal battle.

Being the caring protective people we are,  as soon as we hear of pain and anguish we want to dive for our armour,  battle axes and shields and slay the beast that threatens our beloveds happiness.

But we all know that we'd be locked up in jail if we tore to shreads the very existence of some of the problems so how do we help those in need?

It's a tough gig this friend bizzo.

Once you've calmed down a little (and unenrolled from the grievance body harm classes that you rushed into when you saw the red flag),  then it's time to think about a more feasible way to help.

But how?

On one hand you don't want to bombard the person with face stalking,  texting,  calling,  cards,  flowers and chocolates but on the other hand you don't want to give them so much space that they come to the conclusion that you're avoiding them and gar. .. no longer want them in your life.

And then there's the whole what do you say thing?

Do you nod and agree with their opinions that may be warped by anger,  frustration and fear or do you speak up and say some honest truths?

Do you acknowledge that it sucks or do you avoid the conversations and try to change the focus to other things that you can control and change?

How do you reassure the person that everything will be okay?

It's tough and I'm certainly no expert,  in fact I struggle with this all of the time.

I know when I was sick there really wasn't anything that anyone could really do to make me feel better.  I was numb and I was struggling to accept my illness and situation as real but temporary.

The thing that I worried about the most was judgement and being left all alone to deal with my problems.

So I guess,  my biggest tips would be to let the person know that you won't think negatively about them because of their challenge,  no matter what that might be.

Sometimes all the person needs to know and feel is the reassurance that you're still there,  all judgements aside, and that you care and love them.

It may be a battle that they have to accept,  deal with and move on by themselves but your acceptance of how they are feeling will be a welcomed step forward to acknowledging that their feelings exist,  that they're real and that they are worthy of working through and finding a new life to work towards.

One of the hardest things is to not take their negativity,  absence and behavior personally.

Try to remember that the person is using their energy to put one foot in front of the other and sometimes they will have to turn their lens internally to work through their circumstance,  and that's no reflection on you as a friend,  it just means that you may need to give 150% when they can only give back 50%.

But when they overcome their challenge they will be forever grateful for your support.

Do you have any tips for supporting your loved ones through a tough patch?

Look after yourselves and those around you,

Kirsty xxx

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