Unspoken Conversations are the topics that are often swept under the carpet, whispered amongst the closest of friends and bitched about by many. I want to create awareness about difficult things that people face in life; grief, mental health, money, illnesses, family troubles, relationship difficulties and putting yourself first. I want to tell the truth about things that really matter.

Sunday, 9 September 2012

What's your love language? Mine is acts of service.

This week I'm jumping on board The Five Love Languages bandwagon and exploring the different ways that people show their love. Check out my 'do you feel loved?' blog yesterday that introduces the book.

So today, we're exploring my love language; acts of service.

What on earth do I mean by acts of service?

Putting my man to work!

Surely you don't feel MOST loved when someone performs jobs for you? There must be a mistake? You mean to say that you feel more loved when your partner takes out the garbage can versus when you get it onnnnnnn or when he whispers sweet nothings (spew) into your ear or when he buys you a shiny blingy going (okay, maybe not the last one because I was definitely mesmerised by that ring).

Don't worry, these reactions are completely normal when you find out that your love language is acts of service, but it also makes a heck of a lot of sense (well it made a lot of sense to me anyway!)

Yup, this is when I feel most loved...checking him out in action!

So what are acts of service? Well, just that. I guess for me it's when your partner does something for you, and yes, probably most definitely through gritted teeth, for no pleasure of their own except that they know that you will appreciate it.

It's also when your partner performs a role or duty without being asked, nagged or prompted, whatever you want to call it. Instead, they just do it, for you.

An example of an act of service is the good old trash can. It's not like I get my kicks out of emptying the bins and taking the wheely bin to the road for collection, but it's just another chore on my long to do list. Mick now empties the bins and takes them out to the road without me asking and yes, I'm not afraid to admit it, I do feel loved knowing that he's done it to help me.

Even when he has a beard he still looks sexy when he's working!

Or, the fact that he's a master chef and cooks me up delicious creations from empty cupboards and non existent supplies of ingredients (yes we're on a mega tight budget this year!)

Mick arrives home from work at 4:30 and I stumble through the door at 6 with little to no energy but with a growling belly ready to be fed. While we still share the cooking, 9 times out of 10 mick has started crumbing the fish or marinating the meat when I walk in the door. Relief. Seriously. The smells that woft from our driveway and tickle my nose with delight definitely makes me feel loved and absolutely delighted that I have a guy who understands my love language.

Let me tell you a little secret. It wasn't always like this and the above things that I have mentioned did take some careful molding and lots of patience.

Before reading the book, I'd walk in the door from work, bags under my eyes, couch calling my name and just wanted to flop down and unwind. Meanwhile, Mick already had taken over the couch. Nothing was EVER out or prepared for tea but he DID MANAGE to have a beer in his hand to my utter delight (*insert sarcasm here*). It would drive me nuts. I'd come home feeling irritated because I knew that I'd have to walk in the door and instantly start preparing. Mick didn't understand why I was so upset and angry. He'd cuddle me, kiss me and ask me how my day was and in return I'd grump and moan.

He wasn't speaking my love language.

Sound familiar?

Mmm check out that bum...I mean, man in action!

Are you starting to think that maybe your love language is also acts of service?

It's  important to realise that you can change someone. You don't have to accept that that's the way things have always been and secretly feel upset, ripped off or unloved. Changing someone for the BETTER of your RELATIONSHIP and FUTURE is never a bad thing.

The book, The Five Love Languages has taught both Mick and I all of these valuable things.

It has taught us that when we speak the right love language to each other, then we both feel truly happy, content and LOVED.

Tomorrow I will discuss Mick's primary love language; words of affirmation.

Again, have a little think about which love language you and your partner might be. Is it acts of service? Words of affirmation? Physical Touch? Quality Time? Gifts?

Look after yourself and those around you,

Kirsty xxxx

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