Unspoken Conversations are the topics that are often swept under the carpet, whispered amongst the closest of friends and bitched about by many. I want to create awareness about difficult things that people face in life; grief, mental health, money, illnesses, family troubles, relationship difficulties and putting yourself first. I want to tell the truth about things that really matter.

Sunday, 9 September 2012

Do you feel loved?

Do you feel loved?

As in totally accepted and appreciated by the person who you call your lover or partner or life long match made in heaven or newly started relationship or fifty year long marriage?

Or do you feel as though they take you for granted, they never do anything romantic for you anymore, that you bust you guts for them with nothing in return, that your love life is non-existent and that all you do is nag each other and bicker over completely pathetic things?

Have you ever felt like you both still love each other, but something is just missing? That you've become a bit too comfortable with each other that your relationship lacks effort or that you are just on different pages?

Have you ever considered that perhaps you and your partner do love each other but you are showing your love in the wrong way?

The book, the Five Love Languages, has taught me that we all show our love to someone in different ways - five different ways to be precise.

It doesn't matter if you are completely happy and content in your relationship or whether you are on the brink of divorce or calling it quits, this book is for everyone.

Before reading the book I only thought that there was one way to express your love. I thought that hugging and kissing each other, getting butterflies, saying I love you, hanging out together and sharing intimacy plus being attracted to each other was what love was about.

I had never really thought more about it. That was until Mick moved over to Adelaide and we started to niggle at each other all of the time. He wouldn't help out and I remember telling him that I wasn't going to be his mother for the rest of his life. Mick on the other hand only thought that a relationship would break up if someone cheated, or hit the other person or fell out of love. He didn't realise how much not helping me hurt me. And for me, I didn't realise that I could bend over backwards and  wash his clothes, keep the house clean, cook tea and of course, provide him with physical affection, but he didn't feel loved unless I told him how much I loved and appreciated him.

The five love languages was given to me by a friend just when mick and I were at a critical point in our relationship when I wasn't sure of our future. I was frustrated because we loved each other, but i thought that we couldn't live together without killing each other.

Without a doubt the book saved our relationship because it taught us that there were five ways to show your love to your partner, and that everyone feels loved in different ways.

Things started to make sense for us. We loved each other but we weren't quite communicating to each other using the right love language.

Now I understand why couples separate even though they say that they "love each other, but they've just grown apart". 

I believe it's because each of the partners are expressing their love through different "love languages" and thus, even though they love each other, they are not speaking each others "language" and therefore it leaves each person feeling as though they are unhappy, unloved and un-appreciated when that's NOT the case AT ALL (in some of the cases, I understand that many relationships fall apart because of other reasons too - but it's definitely worth giving this a shot if you truly care about the person!)

So, what are these five love languages that I keep talking about?

They are:
-Words of affirmation
-Acts of service
-Physical touch
-Quality time

What exactly do each of these things mean?

I am going to explore each of these in my blog over the next week.

In the meantime, have a little think about what love language you might be, and then perhaps think about what your partner might be.

FYI - I feel most loved when Mick performs acts of service for me and Mick feels most loved when I tell him words of affirmation!

Join in tomorrow when I discuss my primary love language; acts of service.

There's a quiz in the back of the book to find out what love language you and your partner are.

Trust me, it'll be worth every cent.

Look after yourself and those around you,

Kirsty xxxx


Anonymous said...

Kirst, you recomended me this book a while ago when i came to you for advice, unsure of where my relationship was going also. I went out and bought it and both my partner and i read it. We found out which love language we each were and 6 years later, we are getting close to our 8 year anniversary since we first ever started dating and both looking forward to our wedding in just over 2 weeks. I highly reccomend this book to couples (singles too if your interested in knowing what love language you are also) if you are feeling as kirsty describe in this blog. Infact i might even go and grab mine of the book shelf and read it again.

Keep up the awsome blog writing Kirsty, you sure are a inspiration and your passion truly shines through your words of wisdom and experience. :)

Janna Renee said...

I did the love languages quiz awhile back and loved it! It's so interesting.