Coming Out About Being Gay

Today I welcome Matt to my blog. He's a country boy, has the greatest sense of humour, and provides me with many of laughs on my bus ride to and from work. Matt has been with his partner Jase, for 8 1/2 years. Today, Matt gives us an insight into what it's like, "coming out" to your friends and family about being homosexual.

Thanks Matt!

Jason (on the right and I).

Who do you think should set the standard that determines who can and cannot marry in any country? Your parents? Some politician? The church? God?

As a lad growing up in a small country town, I knew at the age of 8 (my earliest recollection) that I preferred to be around boys and play with dolls rather than trucks in the sandpit. Naturally, I had no comprehension at that age as to what ‘gay’ meant or that it was socially and morally ‘wrong’ to think about the older male youth group leaders in the way that I did. I went to Sunday School every week, became a youth group leader myself, sang in gospel choirs and the entire family was and still is heavily involved in church life. From a moralistic viewpoint I was brought up in a very Godly way! Abuse free I might add for all those out there who may be thinking I was!

On July 8^th, 2001 at the age of 24 I ‘came out’ to my family. I waited until that time mainly because I didn’t believe I had the maturity or financial means to continue on if I was rejected by them all. A totally irrational fear I know but it felt very real at the time I was going through it. I first sought the advice of a good counsellor friend of the family and used her as my sounding board to gauge their potential reaction. As expected she was very supportive and because of the 20+ year friendship she had with them I knew I could trust her word that their reaction would be a positive one. As difficult as it was to actually say the words to my parents I felt like a new man afterwards – the weight of fear, anxiety, depression all lifted like a fog before the beautiful sunshine that follows. Knowing I had the support of the family even though it would rarely be spoken about again meant the world to me. I was able to be who I was created to be. My mother told me later that she knew something was up because I had become introverted and withdrawn from events and activities that I would normally have jumped into with both left feet.

On the flip side I have known of people that have crossed my path in life that have ‘come out’ and suffered terribly at the hands of their families, friends and working colleagues. It begs the question of how you can just turn off the love and affection you feel towards someone because something loving and caring they were doing in secret is now out in the public domain? I believe it is purely out of ‘fear’ that people discard others based on information they would rather not have known about to save face or preserve themselves from judgment of others. 

Divorce rates between a man and a woman around the world are increasing. So marriage between a man and a woman is still the best option because? Kids yep I knew that would be the answer given and quite rightly a legitimate answer. However what about love, trust, honesty, integrity, communication etc all the things that wedding vows usually encompass – so easily broken! Gay and Lesbian people can make these vows just as honestly and openly as their straight counterparts and stick to them!

Whose place is it to judge others? Who gives the authority to be in a position of judgment over others as to what they do?

Jason and I in Santorini.

If you think you know I’d love to hear about it because in a world dictated by social ‘norms’ we tend to forget what is best for us and cave in to the social expectations of the community in which we live.

Matt